


Last of the Real Ones

by LemonyBees (orphan_account)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, If you’ve ever seen Outlander this borrows HEAVILY from the premise, It’s not exactly the same but it would get you in trouble with your dean for plagiarism, Time Travel, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-04-19 11:42:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14236533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LemonyBees
Summary: “I wanted to thank you,” she said, trying to sound sincere. “I…” Why WAS she in the forest? She couldn’t tell him the truth, he would kill her on the spot. She needed a lie. Something simple, that was easy to remember. “…was lost.”“Lost?” An eyebrow raised.“Yes. I’m a nurse, you see,” she began but paused when his gaze left her face and made it’s way to her chest. What was wrong with him? “Not a wet nurse!” She said in exasperation. “A…healer? I help the sick with illness.”





	1. The Lightning Strike

**Author's Note:**

> I took the idea of Outlander and modified it for Rey and Ben, but I also updated the time, so Rey is entering the 18th century from 2017, and she goes back ten years sooner than Claire does. I didn’t want to deal with the same historical circumstances, mostly because my grasp of history is not super great.  
> So there’s probably errors everywhere.  
> I also made Ben’s country of origin made up so avoid glaring historical errors.

_Just for a minute the silver forked sky lit you up like a star that I will follow._

_Now it’s found us like I have found you._

_I don’t want to run._

_Just overwhelm me._

 

Freedom. They were free, they had money, and somewhere to go. Two orphans who had met by chance in the military, Rey and Finn had done their four years, kept their expenses minimal, and now had money to travel for a while. For the first time in years, Rey’s excitement was palpable. They were in Scotland, on a bus, listening to a tour guide talking.

“This was actually it’s own small principality between Scotland and and England until the nineteenth century, when it merged with the United Kingdom-“

“How long are we in Scotland?” Rey whispered, ignoring the guide. Finn was looking through a leaflet that outlined parts of the tour, his brow furrowed.

“When do we get to the castle, is what I want to know,” his American accent causing heads to turn.

“Sir, soon,” the guide responded, even though the question had very much been meant for Rey. Finn didn’t bother looking embarrassed, although Rey knew he was. They had met overseas, their units working together. Rey was a student medic, working on being a nurse. Finn did sanitation, often cleaning the areas Rey was working in. She had mostly avoided the people she worked with, but something about Finn was approachable and fun. He also had the kind of “can’t take no for an answer” attitude she associated with Americans. When they moved to different places they kept in touch, through emails and letters, planning their tour of Europe and America. They were going to see all the major sites in Europe and then hit up some of the states in America while trying to figure a way to live together in the same country.

“Scotland is neat,” Finn whispered to her. “We can stay a day longer if you want.”

“Scotland is boring. I want to see somewhere with more buildings and less grass.” Rey responded.

“Not just grass!” Finn was indignant. “Look at this huge castle! I’ll bet there is at least two ghosts, if not more, haunting that place. And look! Standing stones! Supposedly a witch made her escape there, and it’s now a portal to hell.”

“It sounds like a way to sell tickets to see giant boulders and rocks,” Rey remarked.

“Well now, lets not be so hasty,” the tour guide was eavesdropping on their conversation. “He’s not wrong. Skywalker castle is said to be haunted by it’s most famous, and last, owner. Benjamin Skywalker, cursed to wait forever for his wife.”

Rey was filled with disbelief. Who WAS this guy? She didn’t care at all about famous historical ghosts. She wished she could say the same for Finn, whose eyes were lit up like Christmas lights.

“Why is he doomed to wait for his wife?” The tour guide was ecstatic that someone else was interested. Rey, alone with several other couples in their forties, or older, were staring out of the bus window or looking down at their phones. No one had been interacting.

“Well, that’s a great story! You see, his wife was found out to be a witch, and vanished at the very standing stones we’re going to visit today. Benjamin was driven mad with guilt over her death, and according to records, was often heard loudly screaming throughout the castle, begging her to return. Of course, it’s more likely that the villagers put her to death and he was driven mad with grief, but ghost stories always have a certain…romantic appeal.”

“I don’t see what’s romantic about a man essentially murdering his wife,” Rey muttered, causing Finn to elbow her. Finn kept asking questions, trying to tease out every detail of the Skywalker family, which, Rey realized, had to be one of the most dramatic and ridiculous families in Europe. Kissing twins who realize they’re siblings? A princess marrying, essentially, a smuggler? The clan leader they’ve been warring with turns out to be the father that abandoned them? And don’t forget he definitely murdered their mother. And then Benjamin, spoiled and angry for angsty reasons Rey could almost identify with, also murders his wife, or at least does nothing while she’s being murdered?

“What a mess,” she said to Finn as their bus stopped in front of the massive, opulent, castle turned museum. It looked like something out of Sleeping Beauty. Thick ropes of ivy climbed up a spiraling tower, with small windows peppered through out. It’s walls were huge and stone gray, with a smaller, obviously decorative turret jutting out opposite the foreboding tower. A gatehouse welcomed them with huge wooden doors, but Rey was staring beyond at the keep, at least the size of a six story building. Looking up into a window she saw a curtain flutter for a second, and felt the uncomfortable sensation she was being watched. She brushed it off, following behind Finn, the sounds of their footsteps on the stone bouncing around them.

“What happened when Skywalker died?” A different gentleman asked, looking around the bare surroundings.

“The British took it over, and kept a hold of it,” the guide remarked, leading them into the court yard.

“More grass,” Finn teased. Rey had to admit, however grudgingly, that it was very beautiful. The grass was lush and filled with trees, flowers of varying colors, and a small pond. She wondered if it had always looked this way.

Rey trailed along, interested occasionally but mostly just bored. Rich colored rugs and tapestries decorated the walls, as well as portraits of the various owners. Detailed descriptions of rooms and their purposes fascinated Finn but bored Rey. She was ready to move on to somewhere different, to finally escape the United Kingdom. She was trying not to hope, because it was dangerous to do so, but part of their trip was about her own past. There were places she wanted to see, not for the art or the culture or the history, like Finn wanted, but for the chance to explore her own past. Her own ‘what-ifs’. Places the nuns in the orphanage she’d lived in had suggested her parents might have gone. She wanted a family.

Rey walked in last to the Great Chamber, where the lord of the castle slept. “Rey, look, it’s your historical doppelgänger!” Finn said with clear excitement.

Rey looked up and the pit of her stomach dropped. There she was, immortalized in paint, sitting in a frame. Glossy, brown hair framed pale, freckled skin and brown eyes. Her historical self stared straight ahead, looking beyond Rey at something unknowable. Behind her stood a man, just as unmoving as the woman beneath him. A large hand rested on her shoulder, his eyes nearly black, matching his gently styled hair. His nose was too big, but handsome on his face, lips parted slightly, gaze fixed ahead. Rey took a step forward, her fingers twitching. The moment her foot pressed on the floor, the lights began flickering wildly.

“Oh, looks like we’ve got a live one!” The guide joked. “This place is very old, you’ll have to excuse it.”

“Maybe it’s Benjamin,” an old woman tittered. Rey rolled her eyes, the spell of the painting broken.

Still, Rey was glad to be out of Skywalker castle, and on to their last stop before they left Scotland and moved on to France. Standing stones. These were all over Europe. She’d seen Stonehenge at least six times. Giant rocks are giant rocks no matter how a bored, ancient people stack them.

“Looks like a storm is brewing. If you want to stay in the bus you can,” their guide called, looking up at the sky apprehensively.

“Where did that even come from?” Finn asked, eyeing the green sky nervously. They’d had perfect weather all day. Rey shrugged, tempted to stay on the bus. The guide was discussing the different theories for why the stones appeared here like they did, and what their purpose might have been.

Rey pulled her phone out of the back of her jeans to check the time. Bad weather meant they would get to their hotel sooner and be done with this entire place. She was planning to snap a photo when the crack of thunder and a bolt of lightening caused her to drop her phone in the grass. She looked up at Finn in alarm. A buzzing sound was working it’s why into her ears, louder each moment she stood there. How loud had the thunder been?

The largest stone stood in the center of the ring, where Finn was watching her. He touched them, palms open, rubbing his hands along the rough surface, before heading back towards her. “Let’s get out of here.”

She was sitting back on the bus when she realized her phone was still in the grass. “Give me a minute!” She asked the guide, who nodded, and she jogged off.

It seemed odd, she thought, as she disappeared into the trees from the parking lot, that there was no rain. Shouldn’t a storm like this have rain? Another flash of lightning burst into her vision, lighting up the now dark outside. Her phone was visible in the grass, hidden by an errant leaf. The buzzing was back, magnified by the wind whipping around her, pulling her hair out of it’s messy bun. Another crack of thunder, followed by lightning, which seemed to highlight that center stone. She remembered Finn rubbing his hands on it and suddenly felt compelled to do the same. She glanced back, but the bus was obscured through thick trees. She could go fast and run right back. The buzzing was getting louder as she approached the stone, a clear warning. The wind whipped around like it would knock her down. She didn’t understand the compulsion. It was if she was acting outside her body and just watching what was happening.

Palms out, she stretched her hands towards the stone, and with a violent pull from behind her navel, Rey felt herself smash against the rock. With one last look, lightning struck the ground where she was standing, and everything was black.


	2. Cardiac Arrest

_My innards turn, your eyes, they roll. I’ll be there to take the fall._

_I can feel it now, oh no._

_Same old story since day one, but I’ve got no place to run._

_I can see it now, oh no._

_I’ll try my best. How much do I invest?_

_Like cardiac arrest_

She woke up with a jolt. Eyes fluttering open, she immediately closed them again against the sun’s brightness. What had happened? Her phone. She went back to get her phone. She reached down, feeling it’s outline in her pocket. Hadn’t there been a storm raging, or did she imagine that? Squinting again, it seemed impossible that anything had happened at all. The sky was a cloudless blue.

She stood up, brushing the dirt from her pants and began to head down towards the parking lot. No one had come looking for her so she must have only been out for a minute.

But why?

All she could remember was touching the stones, but that felt more like a dream than an actual memory. Wind didn’t really blow like that, or lightning strike like that. It had seemed like it was making the noise instead of the thunder.  
She stopped, suddenly. How far had she been walking? It seemed like too long. The parking lot was just off a trail, where was that? All she saw ahead of her were trees, and no path. Was she turned around?  
She decided to keep walking, sure it was just ahead and that she was still disoriented from…whatever had happened. Why was she even on the ground? None of it made sense.

Unfortunately, things weren’t about to get any clearer. A man, stomping through the trees, appeared before her. It was too warm to be dressed like he was, in all black, complete with a black riding cape. His dark hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat, and one large hand rested on the hilt of a sword.  
Alarm bells started ringing in Rey’s head. The two were frozen in front of each other. All sense of logic flew out of Rey’s mind at the sight of the imposing man standing a few feet from her. She turned and ran.

“WAIT!” He shouted, but she didn’t stop. She was hallucinating now, she was sure of it, she thought as she zigzagged through the trees. Where was the bus? She needed to just get back to the bus and pretend like nothing had ever happened. Like she hadn’t seen Benjamin Skywalker standing right in front of her, looking at her, shouting at her. Except. His voice wasn’t a sound she recognized. And how could she have known how tall he was? Or how he dressed?  
Consumed by thought, she didn’t see the low hanging branch until she smashed into it, knocking her back to the ground. Her grip on reality was shaky, her vision blurry. She saw dark eyes peering down at her before she saw nothing at all again.

 

—

 

Lightning had cracked and Ben Skywalker had followed it. There was no other explanation. Like a moth drawn to flame, so he too had been compelled to follow the light, towards the witches stones. He had been scared of these as a child, and avoided them as an adult. He figured no witches used them for evil purposes, but the old warnings her parents told him stayed with him as an adult.

Ben had never seen the sky look like that though. It felt as though the wind was calling him, urging him forward. He didn’t try to consider what might be waiting for him, just put one foot in front of the other until he was nearly there. One last burst of lightning, right where the witches stones stood, and then it was over. The sun was back as quick as it had gone, leaving him bewildered and, if he was being honest, a little frightened. He had to know what could cause the sky to look like that.  
What he found was a woman, dressed stranger than he had ever seen, standing in front of him. Her hair was tangled around her shoulders and her eyes were fixed on his sword. He wanted to say something, but his throat was suddenly tight. Her pants seemed painted on, her shirt material thin and offering the kind of view of a woman’s body he had never seen, especially so close.

She turned, like a rabbit, and ran. “WAIT!” He shouted, chasing after her. Who was she, and why was she running? Had she come from the stones?

He regretted his wardrobe choice. The cloak was especially difficult to run quickly in. He had assumed it was going to rain, but it was back to being warm. Too warm for the cowl he was sporting, or the long sleeves he had on.  
He was going to cut her off. She was running wildly, and he calculated she didn’t know where she was going. He knew these woods like the back of his hand, having grown up in them. His plan was to corner her between a dense patch of thorn bushes, impossible to run through, and his own massive body, but he didn’t need to. She ran square into a thick, low hanging branch and collapsed on the ground.

It would have been funny if she wasn’t so obviously scared. He made his way to her, peering down at her face, which was peaceful now.

Who was she? Had she come from the stones, or was it just a coincidence, here appearing there at the same time he went looking for something. Maybe she had also been drawn to the stones as he had. It didn’t explain her clothes. He swept her up into his arms, feeling the texture of her pants. It wasn’t one he was familiar with. He didn’t dare touch her shirt, despite a hand resting on her abdomen. It was entirely inappropriate to touch a lady this way, especially one he wasn’t married to. He couldn’t just leave her lying in the woods.

 

She didn’t wake. He was growing concerned, when he returned to Skywalker castle, because he had been certain the jolting of the horse would have woken her. He scooped her back up and ignored the people staring at him. Too many people lived here, in his opinion. He scowled, trying to ignore their stares as he walked inside, up the stairs, to deposit her in a room in the apartments. It’s where they kept visiting diplomats and other important guests, and would be fine for her.  
Once she was safe behind a door, he headed towards the Great Hall, where he was certain his parents were, entertaining guests. Skywalker Castle was still, technically, his fathers, though his father had never been a Skywalker.

“I heard you’ve brought a guest home,” his mother said, always a step ahead of him. She stood from her seat at a long, wooden table and walked over to him, his same brown eyes smiling teasingly at him. He swallowed hard. He loved his mother as much as he hated his father.

“Yes.”

“Was there a reason? Or have you finally decided to settle down?” A smile danced on her lips. Ben guided her away from his father, who was laughing into a goblet with other friends. He didn’t want him to overhear and try and pursue a different agenda than what Ben had in mind. Although, if he was honest, he didn’t know what his plan was for the woman asleep upstairs. His mother, always the diplomat, would know what to do. How to keep his fathers impulsive nature at bay, while Ben tried to figure out who the girl was and where she came from.

“I think she came from the stones,” he all but whispered, his eyes searching hers. Leia met his gaze unflinchingly, and it wasn’t the first time he felt like maybe she could see into his head where his thoughts were, and read them as if he were a book.

“I think we should keep her here, until we can be sure,” Ben continued. “See what she knows.”

“And if she’s just a poor girl from another clan that wandered across the border?” Leia suggested, glancing over at Han who was laughing robustly, blissfully unaware of his wife and son.

“No one familiar with the area would,” Ben responded darkly. They had annexed the land around the castle from Scotland and England and had held it successfully for the last fifty years. Alderaan, as they called the estate, was infamous throughout the area. His grandfather had slaughtered anyone who crossed the border on sight, and while his mother had been attempting to improve relations among the neighboring Scottish clans and British army, the reputation remained.

“Do you think she’s a threat?” Leia asked, her smile fading but her eyes still dancing. It was impossible to read her.  
“I don’t know,” Ben admitted. She was such a small woman, it defied belief that she could be a danger to anyone. “She might be a witch.”  
“Should would inform Luke?”

Luke. Ben’s whole mood darkened. His uncle, living on the border, reactionary and suspicious. “No. I’ll handle it.”  
He started to turn but his mother grabbed his arm.

“Ben. Keep Snoke away from her.”

His stomach dropped. Luke was one thing, but Snoke…Snoke was another. Dangerous and fanatic, Snoke would have no problem rallying his guards to kill the girl at even the mention of the stones. Snoke took religion to a level Ben didn’t understand, though he had often tried. Han had brought him here when Ben was a baby, and Snoke had educated Ben. His mother was quietly opposed, desperate to find a way to oust Snoke, often protecting Ben from Snokes wrath and brutal punishments. Still, something about Snoke was compelling to him. Snoke understood things about the world in a way that Ben did not, and he often felt pride in himself when Snoke was interested in him. It was a complicated relationship he did not understand. He didn’t try to. 

She wasn’t always successful, as the scars on Ben’s back proved, but she tried, and Ben was grateful for what she did.  
He nodded, a shared understanding passing between them. “She’s my guest. I’ll send her home if I determine she’s not a threat.”

  
His mother nodded, but he saw the worry on her face. Maybe bringing her here had been a mistake.


	3. Release Me

_I’ve been waiting for the sun to shine_

_Another winter ends, the winter’s starting over_

_We met beside a land mine waiting for the wind to blow_

  
She woke up in a bed. Home. It had all been a dream. She snuggled deeper under blankets, relaxing. It had been such a vivid dream. She could feel jeans, and she opened her eyes. Why was she sleeping in jeans? 

She wasn’t in her room. She shot up, looking around. Stone walls, covered in elaborately embroidered tapestries. A vibrant, red rug covered most of the floor, and a fireplace was lit, which accounted for the warmth of the room. A desk and chair were pushed up against a wall, a wardrobe and mirror standing on the other side. On the bed a thick, warm blanket of green and gold was draped across her body. It hadn’t been a dream. This was real. 

Panicking, she walked across the room to the window. She was high up, with a view of a familiar courtyard. The lush grass and flowers replaced with the hustle and bustle of people with jobs moving about. A dark haired man, unfamiliar, was walking a horse towards the castle. He paused, looking up at her, and she retreated back inside. 

None of this made sense. Her mind was rebelling against what she was seeing. She began rummaging around the room. In the wardrobe were dresses, and she pulled one out. It was heavy, a dark blue. She laid it on the bed. Soon she had compiled all the pieces she thought went with it. A petticoat. Stays. A long shirt, socks, ribbons, detachable pockets, a roll, more petticoats, a large, white kerchief, a large triangle that’s purpose was unknown to Rey. A silk apron was also lying there, which looked useless. A pair of dark, shiny black heeled shoes with a silver buckle and a small white cap were spread out next to everything. She didn’t know what to do with any of this. Should she wear it? Was she still dreaming?   
  
She slapped herself, hard. 

“Ow!”

A sharp knock startled Rey. She rushed to the door and opened it a sliver. A blonde woman peered back at her. “M’lady?” She asked curiously. “My mistress sent me to see if you needed anything.”

Rey grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in. “I need your help.”

The servants eyes widened at the spread on Rey’s bed. “I can see.”

“What’s your name?” Rey asked, trying not to pace as she took in her appearance. Skirts. Caps. “M’lady”. 

“Sarah.”

“Okay, Sarah. I need you to help dress me, and then I need you to take me to the man who brought me here.  
Sarah nodded, skirts rustling, as she darted back to the wardrobe for another blue piece, lying it on the bed. “Strip.”

Rey froze for a second. Take off her clothes? In front of a stranger? Sarah was watching her with open curiosity and Rey decided to comply. Don’t give anyone any reason to suspect you. Something had happened to her, at the stones, and she was starting to admit she might not be in the twenty first century anymore. Maybe this was just an elaborate hallucination.   
A

small voice in the back of her head suggested that maybe this was real. Rey wasn’t ready to acknowledge it.   
Naked, Sarah began dressing her. She slipped the shirt over Rey’s head, and motioned for Rey to pull the socks, more like stockings, up her leg. Sarah tied the ribbons to keep them up, and then continued, adding a petticoat, stays, pockets, the roll, more petticoats and the gown all with quick precision. As she was tying the silk apron around Rey, Rey couldn’t stop herself from asking. 

“Sarah, what year is it?”

“1755,” she responded promptly, with no hint of judgement. Rey felt lightheaded again, and moved away from Sarah to sit on the small bench placed against the edge of the bed. Deep breaths, she though, and focused on breathing.

“Did I lace you too tight?” Sarah asked with worry. 

“No,” Rey responded, waving her hand. “No, I’m fine. I just hit my head really hard in the woods and I’m having a little trouble with my memory.”

Sarah held the white cap in her hand. “Would you like me to fix your hair?”

Rey shook her head. “No. No, this is fine.” 

Sarah smiled, fingering the silk of Rey’s skirt before stepping back. “You look much better.”

“I feel better,” Rey said, lying. Her jeans were crumpled on the floor, and Rey bent down to fold them, along with her shirt and bra, and placed them at the bottom of the wardrobe. Sarah watched but said nothing. Rey needed to emulate Sarah in order to convince the people in the castle she belonged here, so they might let her go.  
Get back to the stones. It was her singular goal.

Sarah took her to a private room. “I’ll come by this evening to help you remove your gown,” Sarah told her, squeezing Rey’s arm. Rey hoped to not be here tonight, so she said nothing. Sarah left Rey, standing outside the door, and with a deep breath she knocked. Seventeen fifty five. What was happening? Who was King? She had just been on this tour, why hadn’t she paid attention? History intensely bored Rey. Was Alderaan more English or Scottish? 

The door opened and Benjamin opened it, still dressed in his dark black pants and long sleeved black shirt, a thick belt between the two. He didn’t look very historical, she thought with a frown. Should she curtesy? Was was the protocol here?   
His dark eyes widened when he saw her. “Come in,” he said in a deep timber that made the hair on her arms stand on end. She walked in to the crowded, cramped space. Bookshelves lined nearly ever wall, broken only by a fireplace and a window. His desk was covered in papers and book. Was he in charge of the entire castle, then? 

“Sit, please,” Ben told her, seating himself behind the desk, hands folded in front of him. He looked exactly the same as his portrait…

Her stomach lurched and she almost threw up as she remembered the portrait. Her historical doppelgänger, Finn had joked. Except. Here she was. Seventeen fifty five. She couldn’t imagine any woman marrying him, let alone herself. Why would she?  
The story of Benjamin’s Skywalkers missing wife flooded her brain, filling her with panic. Did he kill her, or did Rey eventually escape, back through the stones where no one could find her? Remembered by history as a witch. 

Deep breaths, Rey thought, once again trying to relax herself. Benjamin was staring at her.  
“I wanted to thank you,” she said, trying to sound sincere. “I…” Why WAS she in the forest? She couldn’t tell him the truth, he would kill her on the spot. She needed a lie. Something simple, that was easy to remember. “…was lost.”

“Lost?” An eyebrow raised. 

“Yes. I’m a nurse, you see,” she began but paused when his gaze left her face and made it’s way to her chest. What was wrong with him? “Not a wet nurse!” She said in exasperation. “A…healer? I help the sick with illness.”  
His eyes snapped back to her face, his pale skin flushing slightly, though if he was embarrassed he gave no other indication.   
“I’m on my way to London,” she continued. “I stopped to help with an injured man and got turned around. I very much would like to continue on my journey, if you would-“

“Why were you alone?” He interrupted her. He didn’t believe her. Rey hoped her face wasn’t betraying her.

“I prefer to travel that way,” she responded. 

“Dressed as a man?” He quizzed. 

“A woman might be set upon,” she shot back. “Men don’t bother other men.”

“With no supplies?”

Shit. “I told you I was lost.”  
He leaned back in his chair. “What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t. But it’s Rey.”

“Rey,” he said, and she shivered involuntarily. “I’m Ben Skywalker.”

She didn’t know what to say. She knew who he was. “Ben. Please, if you don’t mind, just setting me straight so I can continue-“

“No.”

“No?”

“I find it unbelievable that a woman was randomly walking through the country side. I think you’re hiding something. Maybe it’s the kind of secret all women have, that pose no threat to me or my people. Until I can be certain, however, you’ll be staying here as my guest.”

Rey sat there, stunned. “You mean your prisoner?” She said finally, anger welling up.

Ben leaned forward, his dark eyes focused intensely on her. “It is my pleasure to consider you my guest, unless you give me reason to treat you otherwise.”

It was a threat. Rey jumped to her feet, glaring at him. She wanted to scream at him, but a more rational part of her brain cautioned her into silence. He didn’t trust her, but he could. She could keep her head down and give him no reason to suspect her of anything, and let her go.   
She walked out, slamming the door behind her just a little harder than she meant to and looked around. Now what?

Rey didn’t leave her room for several days. Sarah brought more dresses and began working on her hair, curling and pinning it nicely. Sarah brought her breakfast and often dinner, along with gossip. Rey had begun to journal as a way to pass the time as well as keep track of the information Sarah brought to her. 

“Leia thinks Ben will never marry,” Sarah told her as she pinned curls to Rey’s head.

“Who would,” Rey remarked, causing soft giggles from Sarah. Rey was still angry that Ben had refused to let her leave.

“He does have an awful temper,” Sarah finally said. “But he is also going to be lord someday.”  
Rey shrugged.  
“You know,” Sarah said, bending down to tie Rey’s socks up. “If he saw you doing something, he might be more willing to trust you.”

Rey scowled. “I’d prefer to never see him again.”

Sarah nodded. “He’s not likely to forget why you’re here. Might as well be visible.”

Visible was how Rey found herself in the court yard pulling out teeth. Nothing in her training as a nurse had prepared her for the pure horror of eighteenth century dental care. There was nothing she could do for rotting teeth even if she had the proper tools. One tooth in one mouth had spawned into a line of people. 

“A little clove will help with the pain,” she cautioned the woman whose mouth she had just invaded. The woman nodded, a handkerchief pressed into her mouth to help with the bleeding, and took off. Behind her was the man she had seen on her first day leading a horse. He was more handsome up close, with curly, dark hair, dark eyes, and tanned skin. 

“Poe,” he said, the first one to introduce himself. “I work in the stables.”

Stables. Rey didn’t know how to ride a horse but she could learn. She mentally decided to revisit Poe later in the week as she indicated for him to sit. He lifted his shirt to show large blooms of purple bruises across his side.

“Kicked by a horse,” he explained. She knelt and felt alone his rib cage, feeling for the tell-tale signs of a fracture. She sighed and reached for the cloth she had spent the morning rolling and began wrapping it around his chest.

“It’s a fracture. You’re going to want to take it very easy for at least the next week to allow it to heal,” she explained. “Keep the bandage on to help with the swelling, and a little white willow bark will help with any pain. Unfortunately, the only thing that really helps heal a rib fracture is time and rest.”

He pulled his shirt back down once she was done wrapping him up. “I’ll do my best,” and with a wink he was gone.

Poe and his horses. Rey watched him go, hopeful for the first time in a week.

By the end of the day Rey was exhausted. She was day dreaming about being cut out of her skirts and falling asleep as she packed up her stuff and headed towards the interior of the castle. 

“Rey.” Leia, whom Rey had heard Sarah talk about, was standing in front of her, looking both beautiful and regal in a green gown, her hair braided elaborately around her head. “Come have dinner with me.” She held her arm out, forcing Rey to reluctantly loop her own through it. Bag still firmly in hand, Rey made her way to the Great Hall, where the entire castle ate.

The noise died down slightly as Leia and Rey walked in, leaving Rey feeling incredibly self-conscious.   
“Ignore them,” Leia whispered, a faint smile dancing on her lips.

They made their way to the head table. Ben jumped to his feet and pulled the chair out next to him for Rey, which she begrudgingly sat in. Leia sat on her other side and immediately began conversing with Han, leaving Ben and Rey awkwardly next to each other, staring down at their plates. Rey began putting food on it, planning to quickly eat and then escape without having to speak to Ben.

He had different ideas. “I saw you down in the courtyard today,” he said softly, forking a potato. She didn’t respond, shoving some bread in her mouth. “How are you enjoying yourself?” He asked awkwardly.

“Fine,” she responded, desperately wishing to be anywhere else in the world. He looked down at his plate and Rey couldn’t stand it anymore. She stood abruptly, the wood of her chair scraping against the floor. “If you’ll excuse me..”

She strode across the hall, ignoring the looks, and made her way back to her room to safety. She was doing a bad job of convincing Ben to trust her. Part of the problem was she had never been a people person. Finn had been the first real friend she had had, and that was because of his persistence, not her personality. Ben didn’t have Finn’s fun, outgoing personality, and neither did she. 

She flopped on her bed. She was going to be trapped here until she died. 


	4. The Secret’s In the Telling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna put a trigger warning up for birth trauma and attempted sexual assault.

_Our act of defiance_

_We keep this secret in our blood_

_No paper or letters_

_We pass just close enough to touch_

 

 

Two weeks had passed before Rey made here way to the stables. She had cultivated a comfortable routine at Skywalker castle now, and people were used to seeing her. In the morning people came to see her where she set bones, pulled teeth, and did prenatal appointments. She had a woman who was going to give birth any day now, which terrified her. She had more experience with childbirth than she did with teeth, but teeth rarely culminated in someone’s death. 

Childbirth often did. 

She wanted to see the borders of Alderaan, and the best way to do that was on a horse. Poe could join her if he wanted, she wasn’t planning anything intricate yet. This was retcon.

“How are you feeling?” She asked Poe, handsome as ever, conversationally.

“Much better,” he smiled, brushing a horse. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I was wondering,” she continued, “if you might be willing to show me how to ride?”

“You don’t know?” Poe was incredulous. Rey shook her head, which was how she found herself sitting in a saddle, reins in hand, with Poe behind her giving instructions.

“You want to dig your heels in, but gently, right here,” he told her. She did everything her told her, and was excited when they were outside the castle gates and jogging about the country side. The castle was still in view, but she was outside it, surveying her surroundings. It was so open and seemed boundless. “Wow,” she breathed, trying to find the woods she had started in.

“Yeah, it certainly is beautiful,” Poe mistook her words for appreciation of the landscape. 

“How far does it go?” She asked.  
“Ten miles, in all directions if I had to guess,” he responded. Ten miles. That wasn’t very far. She could probably walk it in a night. The problem was which way did she walk.

“And…where are the stones?”

“The witches stones?” Poe stiffened slightly behind her. “They back that way,” he indicated behind them. She had to resist from looking. “It’s dangerous that way.”

She didn’t respond, not wanting to give him any reason to suspect her. They continued on in silence for some time before he began discussing the history of the horse they were on, giving Rey an opportunity to get to know the horse she was going to steal.

 

 

Ben was waiting for her when they got back. Behind him was Sarah, wringing her hands nervously. Ben lifted his arms, huge hands spanning her waist, to help her down. Her body slid down his and her heart jumped. “Rey, Anne is having her baby!” Sarah finally exploded from behind Ben, breaking the spell around Rey and Ben. “I’m so sorry, I sent Ben to find you because things are going poorly, there is so much blood and-“

“Let’s go, take me,” Rey ordered, stepping around Ben, lifting her skirts, and running after Sarah through the maze of the castle.

They heard her before they saw her. Inside was a mess of women, blood, and screams. “Breathe,” she said, shooing the other women out of the room, leaving her and Sarah with Anne. “Take deep breaths, okay. I know it seems impossible but I need you to relax as much as you can.” She put her hands on Anne’s swollen, hard stomach and felt. Her heart dropped. The baby was still breach. She was going to have to try and turn the baby herself.

“Anne,” she told the exhausted woman. “I’m going to try and turn your baby. It’s important you don’t move while I do this. Sarah, hold her hand.” Sarah, who had been placing a cool cloth on Anne’s red, sweaty face, gripped the woman’s hand. Rey put her hands on Anne’s belling, feeling for the infant, and began attempting to turn it. It didn’t work. Rey was panicked. She knew the risks of a breech birth. 

Smiling, she said nothing, as Anne continued to struggle through contractions. For hours Rey and Sarah alternated between soothing Anne, as Rey checked how dilated Anne was.

“It’s time,” she finally said, and the two moved Anne into a squatting position. “On my count, I want you to push as hard as you can while I count to ten. Okay?”

“Okay,” breathed Anne.

“Okay..and push! One..two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten! Breathe, Anne, breathe!” She could feel feet. Anne let out a scream as Rey counted off again, and then feet were out. “One more push!” Rey said, more a prayer than anything, reaching her hands inside the birth canal and guiding the infant out. 

“BLANKET!” She screamed at Sarah, looking down at the floppy, blue baby in her hands. Sarah handed her the blanket and Rey wrapped the infant, massaging his back gently, praying he’d start breathing. It was a miracle, as he gasped out a skittering breath and then began to wail. Rey’s own heart restarted, looking to Anne who was pale but alive, watching them apprehensively.

“It’s a boy,” Rey told her, handing Anne her baby. 

Ensuring the placenta had emerged in tact, Rey cleaned up and then left the new mom to her baby. The father, whom Rey had never met, was pacing the hall outside. “They’re okay,” she told him and he rushed in behind her. She could hear laughing as the door shut behind her. 

She didn’t know where she was walking to. Blood was all over her dress, her hands and she knew she should wash it off. She made her way outside, where the darkness engulfed her. The only light was from the moon above her. She scrubbed her hands, her mind in auto pilot, and then wandered around before collapsing in on herself as the fear caught up to her.  
What had just happened? She had been sure that one, or both of them might die. Rey wasn’t equipped to be this kind of nurse. She felt the tears before she felt them, and then started crying. 

“Rey?”

Ben. The last person she wanted to see right now. “Go away,” she choked out as she began to sob harder. He knelt down and gathered her up and she didn’t resist. She cried into the thick fabric of his chest, grateful for him in that moment. She didn’t want to be alone, she realized, even if he wasn’t the first person she would have picked to be in this moment with. It was more than just the near miss with Anne and her baby. Everything that had happened came pouring out as she finally let go of the tight grip she had had on her emotions. They said nothing. She cried and he held her, both sitting on the ground under a warm, summer moon. 

She didn’t know how long it took before she calmed down and untangled herself from his embrace.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, wiping her face. 

“Are they okay?” He asked, his voice gentle.

She nodded. “It was just stressful,” she admitted. She gathered herself to her feet, brushing dirt from her skirts while ignoring the dried blood on the sleeves. Ben was polite enough not to mention it. 

“Can I walk you back, at least?”

She nodded and the two walked in silence, back to her room. Something had changed between them, she could feel it. She wondered if he could, too.

At her door they stood awkwardly. “Well,” she said, unsure what the protocol was. 

“Sleep well,” he offered, his hand reaching up as if he wanted to touch her. He let it drop. Their eyes locked, just for a minute, and then he was gone, walking away.

She was almost sorry about it.

 

 

A month passed before Rey found her first real way out. A gathering was being planned, and people from all over were pouring in for the festivities. This was the perfect time for her to try and make an escape. She maintained a normal routine as a nurse as she slowly began to hoard supplies. She had a plan, to wait until everyone was good, drunk, and locked up inside and then steal the horse Poe had been teaching her to ride and make her way back to the stones. By the time anyone came looking for her she’d be gone, safe in the twenty first century again. 

There were people she’d miss. Sarah, for one, who had become one of the best friends she had ever had. Poe, even if their friendship was based on a lie. Even Ben, who had softened a little, even if he was still refusing to let her leave. 

She made an appearance in the Great Hall that evening, her dress a scarlet red that stood out. She wanted people to see her so they wouldn’t worry about her later. Han and Leia were laughing among friends. She saw the elusive Luke, dressed in brown, his dirty blonde hair as scraggly as his beard, drinking from a flask while a robust man animatedly told him a story. Ben stood next to Snoke, who was something like a priest to the family. Rey had only ever seen him once in the Great Hall, but remembered the stories Sarah had told her about him.

“He’s had three wives,” she had said one morning as she laced Rey up.

“What happened to them.”

“Dead. He has a reputation for being…violent. Heard he beat his last wife to death with his bare hands.”  
Looking at him now, Rey could imagine it. Their eyes met and Rey quickly looked away, finding Poe among the throng of drunks.

“Dance!” Poe said merrily, grabbing her hands and twirling her to the music playing. This was perfect, exactly the kind of exposure she needed. People would remember her here, later, and assume she was off, possibly with a man. No one suspect she was stealing a horse and riding away.

 

Which is where she was headed now. She was filled with nervous anticipation as she made her way to the stables, bag in tow. She was so close to being home.

She tripped and fell into the arms of a sleeping, ginger man. “Oh God!” She shrieked, her bag falling. She scrambled to her feet but he grabbed her arm, quick. He was obviously drunk from the smell coming from him and how wobbly on his feet he was. She kicked the bag, hiding it under hay as he shoved her up against the wall.

“Come to visit ‘ol Hux have you?” He leered, his grip hard on her arms. 

“Let me go,” she instructed, trying to wrench herself free.

“Without having a little fun? Unlikely.” His mouth was on her skin before she could stop him, his hand roaming up her gown to her breasts. She went to knee him, but he was surprisingly prepared, blocking her. One hand gripping both her wrists, he pulled out a knife which caused her to freeze. Women, she had learned during her month in this century, were not worth a lot. She knew she’d be blamed for this encounter, and possibly even her death if she couldn’t find a way out of it.   
So she screamed loudly, right into his ear. He slammed his head into hers, causing it to bounce off the stable walls.

“Bitch,” he spat, taking his knife and cutting open the front of her dress. He then pressed it into her throat. Their eyes locked as he made a cut against her neck. “Try it again.”

Her heart was hammering but she didn’t move, feeling warm blood trickled down the column of her throat to her now exposed chest. A moment passed, and then his hands were on her breasts again. She decided to do nothing and hope it was over quickly, a tear escaping down her cheek, when suddenly Hux was gone, flying through the air. The sharp sound of a sword being drawn sliced through the air and Ben was in front of her, his body a shield. 

“I should kill you,” he said softly, advancing on a cowering Hux.

“We were just having a bit of fun,” Hux slurred, flopping his head back onto a bed of hay. “No warm done.”

Ben turned to face her, his eyes black with rage. “She doesn’t look like she was having fun!”

Rey was suddenly aware of how exposed she was and crossed her arms over her chest, looking down at the ground. This was not how this night was supposed to go at all. She should be gone. Who knew when she’d get another chance. She watched Ben, furious, slam the hilt of his sword into Hux’s face, knocking the man unconscious. He then whipped his cloak off and wrapped it around her, his face still dark.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded. A lie. She wasn’t okay. Her hand pressed against her throat where he had cut, a warning, and she shoved past Ben, her walk turning to a run. Not only had she been assaulted and been scared for her life, but she was still here, and she was starting to think she’d never leave. Trapped in the past, until she vanished one day, possibly dead. Her body was cold, and she threw up into a small pot the second she entered her bedroom. 

He was right behind her, a gloved hand on her shaking body. “Rey-“ he faltered. 

“No,” she gasped out, throwing up again. He gathered up her hair, which had fallen out in the attack, and held it as everything she had eaten came back up. 

She was hysterical. Reality was starting to crash down around her. She was never going home, she was never going to see Finn again, or find her family, or even walk outside of this castle. She stood up, ran a hand through her hair, and then walked over to the window, prepared to jump. Ben seemed to read her thought, grabbing her by the waist and dragging her back down to the ground. 

“LET ME GO!” She screamed but his grip tightened. His hands pressed against her exposed stomach, but she didn’t care. She bent down and bit him hard.

“AHH!” He shouted, letting her go and she scrambled back up and to the window. She wasn’t going to live this way. She definitely wasn’t going to live here, in this century, with these people. He grabbed her leg, dragging her back, and she flipped over and kicked him hard in the face. She was almost there, she could touch the glass when he had her again, around the waist, back to the floor. She kneed him, hard, in the junk, and he doubled just for a second but didn’t stop, pressing his body weight on her, pinning her arms down, and leaving her there. She thrashed around, trying to free herself but he had the upper hand now. 

She didn’t know how long they stayed that way, but eventually she deflated, the fight having gone out of her, and Ben let her go. His eye was purple, from where she’d kicked him, and an angry, red bite mark stood out against the pale skin of his forearm. Without a word he recovered her with his cloak, and as she stood up she pulled it tight against her body, breathing in his scent. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, and he sat next to her, both their backs against the frame of the bed.

“It’s okay,” he responded, their shoulders touching. “I’m sorry, too.”

“For what?”  
“For Hux. He shouldn’t have touched you like that.”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

“Why were you there?” He asked. Rey looked away, but she knew he already knew. “You were trying to leave.”

She looked down, feeling his disappointment. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She wasn’t sorry, though. She would do it again, if she thought she could get away with it. When was he going to let her go? He couldn’t keep her here forever.

There was no fight left in her tonight, though. This was something for another night. She was suddenly exhausted. She excused herself for sleep, and after a long look, he left, leaving her alone. She found a new night shirt and crawled into bed, but couldn’t fall asleep. What if Hux came looking for her?

She knew where Sarah slept, and decided she’d go there. Sarah wouldn’t be mad, hopefully. Wrapping a robe around her, she opened the door, only to find Ben lying there, in front of the door, his cloak draped over his body, sound asleep. She froze.

Why would he do that? She didn’t ask him to. 

She closed the door, leaving him asleep out there, and got back in bed. She didn’t recognize what was happening, too unfamiliar with what love looked like, to know what would cause a grown man to sleep outside a woman’s door. She couldn’t see how fate had wrapped itself around the two of them, their lives now intertwined and bound together. It didn’t occur to her, when she worried about what happened to her, or the portrait she saw, that she might have wanted to stay with him, that they might have loved each other.

She couldn’t see any of it. But it was there.


	5. The One

_For each man in his time is Cain until he walks along the beach and see’s his future in the water_

_A long lost heart within his reach_

 

 

“We need to hurry.” Sarah had been anxious from the second she stepped inside Rey’s room that morning to help her get ready. 

“What is going on?”

“You’ve been summoned.”

Rey had questions, but Sarah was done and was rushing her out, and to the private chambers of Leia, who was waiting for her. Sarah curtsied and then backed out of the room with one last anxious glance at Rey.

“Sit,” Leia instructed, motioning for the chair across from hers. Leia’s room, more like a modern office, was much neater than her sons. Books still filled the vast majority of the space, but they were organized neatly the way libraries back home where.

Nothing felt out of place. The desk was neat, papers organized off to a side and the polished wood underneath gleaming. A chaise sat further back with a red covered book sitting on top of the white fabric. A chunky blanket was draped over the back. Soft, pale blue curtains fluttered in a breeze blowing in, and more tapestries hung, which Rey had learned was to help keep some of the damp and cold out. Despite the warm summer outside, a fire was still going inside. It was needed, the castle was endlessly chilly. 

“Snoke has expressed an interest in marrying you.” Leia got straight to the point. Cold flooded Rey’s body. 

“What?” She asked, her eyes huge. 

“You’re young and you’re unmarried. You’ve attracted a lot of attention. I knew it was only a matter of time-“

“Are you planning to force me to marry him?” Rey interrupted, jumping to her feet. “Because I won’t.”

“Sit back down.” Leia sounded annoyed. 

“No! I’ve been here for too long and you need to let me go!”

“That’s not my decision anymore. Han has a mind to let him marry you. It solves the problem of what to do with you.”

“Ben will never allow it,” she said in anger, furious with Leia’s words.

“Yes,” she agreed. “He said as much.” 

Rey faltered. “What?”

“When I brought this up to him last night, he agreed that he would not allow his father to let you marry Snoke. He reminded us that he had been the one to bring you here, and you were his guest.”

Rey relaxed, sitting back into her chair. Ever since their fight a week ago, the relationship between the two of them had softened. She wouldn’t call them best friends, but certainly friendly. Sarah had confided in Rey that Ben had beaten Hux within an inch of his life, though Sarah didn’t know why, and Rey took immense satisfaction in that knowledge. 

“So his father gave him an ultimatum. He could let you marry Snoke, or marry you himself.”

She froze. Part of her was so irritated with the entire thing. She was a person, not a basket of oranges. How could they treat this so casually? The other half, though, she had to admit, was relief. She had known, since the fight in her bedroom, that she couldn’t prevent their marriage. She hadn’t planned to try and thwart it, although she had always assumed she married him to escape and not to avoid an old, violent man. 

“What did he say?” She asked.

“He hasn’t told us, but I expect he will,” Leia said, all business. “I wanted to let you know what your options were, before he asked you. So you could make an informed decision.”

Rey stood, annoyed. “Yeah, I don’t suppose the option of neither is available.”

She stormed out, missing Leia smile at her words.

 

She avoided Ben for the rest of the day, which was difficult because it seemed like he was everywhere. She thought she had made it that evening, in her bedroom for the night. She knew it was going to happen. That didn’t mean she had to help it in any way. Today, tomorrow, a month, who knew how long she could avoid Ben? 

Marriage was not something she had ever planned for herself. She knew most girls dreamed about it, but Rey had tried not to have dreams as a child. She was too often disappointed to think that another person could make her happy for the rest of her life. Knowing that she was going to be married filled her with fear and anxiety. What would be expected of her? What would he be like as a husband? She had never directly witnessed it, but stories of his temper were well known. Could she expect that, too?

A soft knock broke her out of her thoughts. Ben was waiting on the other side, his face pale as he stepped inside.

“Rey, I-“

“Your mom already told me,” she said, patting the bed for him to join her. 

He relaxed a little. “Oh. Good.”

They sat in silence for a while, saying nothing, His finger traced the gold pattern stitched on the blanket with his fingers and she watched, waiting for him to say anything.  
He finally cleared his throat. “I-uh. I didn’t imagine it like this.” He seemed so vulnerable in this moment, exposing himself a little to her. She wondered how he had imagined it. She hadn’t imagined it at all. “But I-“

“It’s fine,” she cut him off, trying to take off a little bit of the pressure. “I understand.”

“Will you marry me?” He blurted out quickly. It seemed so strange that confident Ben could be so nervous in this moment. “Please?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, their eyes meeting. He placed a large hand over hers. 

“I’ll keep you safe,” he said, conviction in the words. “You won’t have to worry about Snoke…or people like Hux.”

She nodded, knowing it wasn’t true. Suspected witch, is what they’d say. An idea struck her. “Will you do something for me?”

“Anything,” he agreed. 

“Will you teach me to use a sword?”

Ben faltered for a second. “Just in case,” she reassured him, “you aren’t around and there is a next time. I should be able to defend myself, too.” If she had to flee for her life, she wanted to be able to defend herself to do it. Ben was supposed to be the best, although she had never seen him. Maybe that was just a line because he was the soon to be lord with a fragile ego.

“Done.”

He moved to get off the bed but she grabbed his wrist, aware of how alone they were right now. Marriage here was different than it was in the twenty first century. You got to date the person you married there. The only contact the two of them had ever had was one night of crying, and one violent fight. Hardly an auspicious start, even if it was a sham marriage.   
He looked as terrified as she felt as she brushed a piece of dark hair out of his face. He was stock still, almost a statue as she scooted closer, only his eyes moving, from her face to her lips as she closed the distance between them and pressed her mouth to his.

It was supposed to be a brief, simple kiss, a small and meaningless thing. She was caught off guard but the shock of electricity that moved through her when they touched, or how good it felt to be kissing him. His hand flew to the back of her head and the intensity changed. Ben, who was always so cautious and reserved around her, was not as cold and distant as she had once suspected. He was passionate, deepening the kiss, his teeth scraping her bottom lip.  
Rey had been kissed before, but never like this. Her own hands were knotted in his hair, and the kissing became almost frantic as he pushed her back, on top of her. She didn’t care how they ended up, as long as it didn’t stop. His free hand was moving up the dress, just feeling, though she was sure it was impossible to feel anything under the eighteen layers of fabric she was constantly wearing. She arched, slightly, and he moaned softly into her mouth. 

“Ben,” she gasped when his mouth moved from hers to the side of her jaw, her neck. He froze, as if suddenly aware of what was happening, and was back on his feet looking sheepish.

“I shouldn’t have- you’re a lady.” He looked flustered, his hair sticking up at wild angles. His mouth was cherry red from friction and his eyes were that same black she had seen back in the stables, but this time from desire. He started to walk towards the door.

“Ben?” She called out. He spun around.

“Yes?”

She fidgeted slightly. “Have you…I mean…um…have you eve..?”  
He closed his eyes, as if mentally centering himself before responding. “No.”

“Where do you learn to kiss like that?” The words escaped her mouth before she could stop them.

“I’m not a monk,” he responded, hand on the door to leave. He paused again. “Have you?”

She shook her head. “No.” He nodded but didn’t say anything else, and a moment later was gone.

Awkward virgins. It was all Rey could think about for the next week. How would they know what to do? She had always assumed she’d end up having sex with someone who knew what they were doing. The idea consumed her, making her more nervous as the days dragged on.

And how they dragged. After the marriage had been announced a parade of people were in and out of her space, measuring and laying out fabric for what she assumed would be the most ridiculous gown she had worn yet. She had made no requests and complied quietly. What did it matter what she wore? This was pure ceremony at this point.

She knew what the rush was about. Leia and Han had been certain Ben would never marry, and now that she had agreed they wanted to do it quickly before either of them could change their minds. Rey had no intention of doing so. If it were between Ben and Snoke, Ben won hands down. If she thought about the kiss they had shared…well.   
Ben was also keeping up his end of their marriage arrangement. In the afternoons she packed up her nursing equipment and the two rode outside the castle gate and towards the woods. Unknowingly, Ben had helped her map out the escape route she hoped to one day take. He was also giving her an education on using a sword effectively, allowing them both channel their passion into fighting. She didn’t realize how much pent up emotion she had until they got away from everyone and began, although Ben was keeping a much leveler head than her.

“Your face is betraying you,” he complained two days before their wedding. “You need to hide your decisions better!”

Rey wiped sweat and hair off her face. “What do you mean?”

“You decide what you’re going to do, and your face shows it. Anyone attacking will be able to read it. Hide your emotion better.” 

It was HARD though. She wasn’t as skilled as he was, her movements sloppy, and the sword was much heavier than she had imagined it to be. Ben had been doing this his entire life, of course it was easy for him to swing away with grace and a sense of detachment. She had to concentrate just to keep herself from accidentally stabbing herself.  
Still. “You’re doing a lot better than a lot of our soldiers,” Ben told her one day as the sun was setting and they were packing up to go back. “And you’re wearing a dress.”

She had to be a quick study. She didn’t know when- or if- she’d need to use it, so she emulated everything he did as perfectly as she could. 

She was also spending as much time with Poe as she could without it seeming like something inappropriate was going on. Poe was easier to talk to than Ben, she surmised because there was no underlying attraction between the two. In a lot of ways he reminded her of Finn, whom she missed desperately. Poe had given her enough instruction to make her competent enough on a horse, but his friendship kept her sane at times when the loneliness was overwhelming. 

Things were changing. Yeah, she had routine but she also had friendship and a place that was starting to feel like a home. The intense drive to leave receded each time Poe told her a horse fact, or Sarah shared a piece of gossip through laughter, or someone new came to her for help. She felt welcome here in a way she never had anywhere else. 

And now Ben, who made her feel electric, even when he wasn’t touching her, which was a totally new feeling. Sometimes, in her most honest moments, she thought it might not be terrible to stay here for the rest of her life. 

“Married tomorrow,” Poe leaned against a gate as she wandered into the stables.

“Yeah. It’s weird,” she responded, fishing an apple out of her pocket to give to the horse. 

“Nah,” Poe brushed her off. “It’s nice to see Ben find a little happiness.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Poe paused, thoughtfully, “What with his uncle trying to kill him as a child, and Snokes…hands on approach to teaching. He’s always been…angry. But since you’ve gotten here I don’t think I’ve heard him scream at anyone.”

“Wait, back up,” Rey said. “Luke tried to kill him?”

Poe nodded. “I can’t say for sure, but a lot of people think it’s why Leia moved him to the border. Luke thought Ben was going to turn on them or hand them over to the British, but he was just a boy. Barely a soldier.”  
It gave Rey something to think about later that evening at dinner. Everyone who was even remotely important in the surrounding area was there, drinking and dancing. She was so nervous she felt like she might explode into a million pieces. Ben was just as stiff next to her, watching everyone. 

“You two should go have fun,” Han told them, deep in his drink already. “God knows it’s the last time you ever will.” He winked at his son, whose frown only deepened. 

“Come on,” Rey whispered, taking his hand, which was safely ensconced in a glove. Ben’s feelings about his dad were obvious and she didn’t want to break a fight up tonight. Not in front of all these people. 

She was going to lead him outside, where maybe they could talk, when she was stopped. Snoke. He looked ancient and yet somehow also timeless. His face was deeply wrinkled with blue eyes set deep into his face. His lips were nonexistent, a thin line always set in a frown. He was as tall as Ben, who had to be six five by Rey’s estimation. He made her skin crawl. 

“Congratulations,” he said in a voice that did not suggest he wished them any happiness. 

“Thank you,” Ben said in the most formal voice she had ever heard. She squeezed his hand, saying nothing herself, and waited to see if anything was going to happen. Whatever was going on between Ben and Snoke was happening wordlessly. They were just watching each other. She wondered-could they communicate telepathically? She shook the thought. 

“Let’s dance,” she said, brightly. Brighter than she felt. Anything to get away from…whatever this was.

“I look forward to tomorrow,” Snoke said before leaving them standing there. Before she could ask Ben what the hell had just happened, he was leading her to all the other dancers, and began the most mechanical dance she had ever been a part of. His face was stony. 

“Do you want to talk about-“

“No.” He said curtly. She thought back to what Poe had said about Snoke. “Hands on approach”. What did that mean? 

She didn’t get to find out. When the dance ended he excused himself and left the hall. She watched Snoke follow him out a few moments later. Neither of them returned.

Rey stayed until it devolved into complete drunken shenanigans, slowly making her way, for the last time, to the room she’d been in since she’d gotten here. Something about it was comforting, a place she had often escaped to when Skywalker Castle was too difficult to deal with. She changed out of her clothes, careful to put everything away so that it was easy to move when they packed her stuff up for Ben’s room. She laid in dark, staring up at the ceiling.

 

Married tomorrow. 


	6. Church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m the jerk who started this right in the middle of finals month, but I’m done and I’ve got a bunch of chapters to update. If you’re reading this, hopefully by the time you’re done there is another one.  
> Also like. Shenanigans are going down so if you want to skip it, go ahead.

_If you were a church I’d get on my knees_  
_Confess my love, I’d know where to be._  
_My sanctuary, you’re holy to me._

The morning was a disaster, by Rey’s standards. Getting dressed had been an ordeal she never wanted to repeat, complete with Leia coming in to discuss who would be watching her have sex for the first time.

“NO ONE!” Rey had practically screamed. Why was that even a question?

“My own father watched me,” Leia began but Rey cut her off.

“No. Absolutely not. What did Ben say?”

“He said no,” Leia smiled at the memory, making Rey curious as to how it had gone down. “Which means there can be no secret agreements among you and my son. There can be no reason for anyone to suspect this marriage is less than legitimate.”

“Great. You don’t have to worry at all.”  
So by the time Rey reached the chapel she was an anxious wreck. Ben was waiting for her at the door, his face soft and his back straight. He looked taller than ever. She placed her hand on his back and his softness vanished and he moved away from her.

“Let’s go,” he said roughly, though his hand on her elbow was gentle. She wanted to cry. None of this was right. Snoke was standing at the head, watching them and Rey wanted to be sick. Ben was standing as far from her as he possibly could while still physically in the church. He recited their vows mechanically, like a robot, and Rey tried to do the same, but her voice wavered with emotion. Was he filled with regret but too much of a gentleman to back out? He could barely look at her.  
She was sure he was repulsed by her until he leaned down to kiss her. The same warmth from last time spread throughout them both and his hand softly touched her cheek before they stepped away.  
They were married.

Dinner was another thing. Snoke had vanished, leaving Ben more relaxed, though that wasn’t saying much, as they ate and accepted well-wishers. Ben didn’t want to move, so Rey danced with Poe, Han, and other members of the clan before Leia found her.

“If you want to avoid an audience, now is the time to go,” she warned Rey, motioning for Ben to join them. He joined them with what appeared to be reluctance. Rey’s heart was in her throat. She followed Ben out, up stairs she’d never been up and into a part of castle she’d never seen. He walked slightly ahead of her in his usual black and she tried to keep up, but her gown was heavy, white with blue embroidery. He opened the door to their new bedroom, or at least her new room, and allowed her in.  
It was twice as large as hers had been, but set up very similar. A large bed was center, with a black and silver blanket placed overtop. Tapestries hung on nearly every available inch of stone, giving his room a much warmer feeling than many others she had been in. His fireplace mantle hung a large, heavy looking sword. A desk that looked similar to the one in her room was placed neatly against a wall. Her large dresser was there, with the standup mirror, and when she opened the doors she found all her gowns neat inside. Large windows were framed by delicate curtains, and a huge rug, black and green, covered the floor.  
The sound of the door clicking shut made her jump. He walked towards her and pulled a knife out of his boot, quickly cutting his hand.

“Ben what are you doing?” She asked, aghast, watching him use his uninjured hand to pull the blanket off his bed and let drops of blood fall on the sheets.

“Now you don’t have to worry about tonight,” he mumbled, pulling the sheet off and tossing it in a heap on the floor.

“What is going on?” She demanded, hand on her hip. He turned away from her, his face moody which turned her insecurities into anger. “We’re married now. You HAVE to talk to me!”  
She wasn’t sure if that was true, having never seen a married couple up close, but she said it anyway. He didn’t move, so she marched in front of him. “If you think we’re going to spend the rest of our lives like this, you’re wrong.”

He looked down at his feet. “I don’t want to force myself on you.”

She was aghast. “Did I say something? Because it wasn’t my intention-“

“No, it was nothing you did.” His voice was soft again.

“Then what?”

He looked uncomfortable, but said nothing, and she wondered if maybe, like her, he was also consumed with insecurities. She stepped back, taking a deep breath, and began undressing herself. It was slow going, in part because the gown was so elaborate, but also because her hands were shaking. Ben, for his part, was frozen to the ground. She stopped at her night shirt, climbing into the bed behind them. Deep breaths, she instructed herself, trying to project an aura of confidence. She patted the side of the bed for him to join her.

“We can just talk, if you want,” she offered. “We can do whatever we want.”  
He started moving again, undressing himself as slowly as she had. She kept her eyes focused on her hands folded in her lap, until he was in the bed next to her. He was also wearing a white night shirt and she wondered if everyone owned the exact same one.  
She had meant it, when she said they could just talk. But she also wanted a repeat of a week earlier, when they had kissed, and with him sitting so close, she was overwhelmed. She looked up into his dark eyes to say something.

“Ben-“  
He cut her off, leaning down to kiss her with the same passion as last time. There was more urgency between them this time, maybe because they were married and didn’t have to stop for decencies sake. Truth be told, she wouldn’t have stopped him the first time, but he didn’t need to know that. He was on top of her so fast, one hand gripping the back of her head, the other sliding up her leg, bringing her shirt with it. His tongue was in her mouth, rolling against the roof as she gently bit down on his bottom lip.  
There was no grace to any of it. It felt like another one of the sword battles where they struggled for dominance, except in this instance she was prepared to let him win.  
He shifted his body weight so one leg was in between hers, and without thinking she ground against it, causing him to gasp into her mouth. His hands had worked their way up her body to her breasts, his fingers clumsy as he touched, experimenting. When he tweaked a nipple and she gasped, hips arching into his leg, he did it again with satisfaction before lowering his mouth onto one.

She had lost all grip on her sanity as his mouth moved across her body. He kept her hands in his hair, pulling occasionally when he did something right, but also because she wasn’t entirely sure what to do with them. He was still in his night shirt which she didn’t like. Maybe she could take it off for him?  
With trembling fingers, she began gathering the material around his sides, his mouth taking turns between her breasts making rational thought difficult. When she had it all in her hands she began to pull until he sat up and yanked it off himself, tossing it carelessly to the floor before their lips crashed together again.

“Ben,” she complained, trying to pull her own off but finding it impossible with the weight of his body on her. He leaned back up, settling himself in between her thighs and giving her her first real look at a naked man. It wasn’t bad, she though, taking it all in. He was broad, his muscles well-defined. Her eyes travelled lower, to the hardness of his cock, but he stopped her, pressing himself against her again, his own eyes traveling up and down her body.  
What kind of woman did he see, she wondered? No one had seen her naked since she was a child until now, with the exception of Sarah that first day she was here.  
He didn’t seem to mind, if his erection was any gauge. She was too scared to touch it, so she decided to go back to his hair, where it was safe. Softly, his teeth sank into her bottom lip and her hand flew to his shoulder, digging her nails into the skin, and he moaned softly. Taking that as a sign of encouragement, she ran her nails softly down the sides of his body, delighted when he arched his hips inward, the tip of him pressing into her. She started to run her nails up his back, hoping for the same reaction, when he twisted, suddenly, his face in agony.

“Ben what’s-“ he recaptured her lips in a punishing kiss, pinning her hands above her head

with one of his hands, her words dying on her lips. His tongue was back in her mouth, frenzied almost, as he rubbed himself against her wetness. She moaned loud, tossing her head back as he disappeared under the blanket. She could feel him, kissing down her stomach and she sighed, her body on fire.  
He spread her legs slightly, burying his face in the folds and she almost screamed. Nothing in her entire life ever felt as good as his mouth, licking in slow movements. She was losing it, her hands back, as always, in his hair, yanking on it, as she arched into his mouth. He sped up, faster circles as she felt herself close to an edge, her vision going black on the edges.

“Ben, Ben, BEN STOP!” She shouted before she fell over, yanking him back up. He looked concerned as his head reappeared.

“Did I-“ His words died on his lips as she wrapped her hand around his hard length and, legs wrapped around his hips, pushed him into her body. It was instinctual, she felt driven by pure need and the moment he was in she fell apart, coming in slick, fast waves. They didn’t move for a moment, foreheads pressed together as she tried to remember how normal people breathed.  
He started moving, slowly, in and out, faces still touching, his body weight braced on elbows on either side of her. She could feel that same crescendo pick back up, edging higher again, causing her to lean back, eyes closed, focused on the feeling.

“Again?” He murmured softly, lips on the side of her cheek.

“Mmm,” she responded, unable to form coherent words. They moved like this for a moment before need forced him into faster, more erratic movements.

“Rey,” Ben gasped, burying his face in a pillow as she begged him not to stop. He felt smooth inside her and she didn’t want any of it to end as they both raced towards the finish.  
They fell apart together, breathing heavily as he buried himself as deep as possible inside her body. She wanted to stay that way, but he gingerly pulled himself out and flopped, stomach down, onto the bed, facing her.  
She leaned over onto her elbow, a hazy glow settling over her when she was jolted back into reality. Angry red welts criss crossed their way over his back, fresh over scars from beatings before. She remembered, just now, running her nails down his back, touching him before the wedding, how stiff he seemed all day.

“Ben,” she whispered in horror. He looked up, the smile on his lips fading when he realized what she was looking at. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” he assured her, flipping over quickly but she was putting it together. Hands on education. The wordless communicating at dinner the night before.

“Is this Snoke’s work?”

“I said it’s nothing!”  
She jumped out of bed, rifling through her trunk for her supplies. “It’s vile!” She cried out, finding the bag she kept her nursing things in. “How dare he! He has no right, I absolutely forbid it!”  
He was watching her with curiosity as her anger mounted, sitting up when she yanked him up so she could begin dressing the wounds. Up close made her stomach turn. This had obviously been going on for years.

“How long has he been doing this?” She asked, trying to keep the heart break out of her voice.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “As long as I remember.”  
Ben had never told her his age, but by her estimation she’d guess he was close to his thirties. How had this been going on for thirty years with no one noticing?

“I won’t allow it,” she said with an authority she didn’t possess.

“You couldn’t stop it,” Ben told her. “Snoke has his own methods.”

“Abuse is not a method.”

“I was a difficult child.”

She flinched at his words. “And now?”

“It’s a good reminder.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t want to talk about this tonight,” he said finally, once she was done. “Tonight…this is supposed to…you’re…you shouldn’t be tainted with any of this.”  
She crawled back into bed with him, mouth open to argue, when their bedroom door flew open. In walked Han, drunker than she’d ever seen him, and several of his friends. Rey scrambled for the sheets, covering herself but not before everyone got a view of her unclothed body. Ben was suddenly seething with rage.

“Did we miss it?” Han asked, howling with laughter.

“OUT!” Ben roared, sending his father and pals stumbling back in surprise. “GET OUT!” Unashamed, Ben strode to the door, completely naked, slamming and locking the door behind him. He leaned against it for a second, appearing to collect himself, before their eyes met again.

“Are you okay?”

“Are you?” She asked, voice small.

He came back to bed, gathering her into his arms. “I am.”

Everything was different between them now. They had stayed awake nearly all night, talking about whatever sprang to mind. Ben told her about a lonely childhood with angry or absent parents and Rey talked about life in the orphanage, careful to make it sound like she had grown up in this century. They talked about Snoke.  
“He has a vision for the world,” Ben tried to explain, late in the evening. Rey was skeptical. “He’s so wise. You just need to get to know him better.”  
“If that’s true, why didn’t you want me to marry him?” She challenged.  
“Well…he does have a bad reputation with women. But that doesn’t make him a bad teacher.”

There was so much more she wanted to tell him, about her life, about the future, about everything, but she didn’t. Ben, who couldn’t trust her when she arrived, was too close to Snoke, who Rey DEFINITELY didn’t trust. What if he thought she was a witch? That’s what everyone called the stones, the witches stones or the witches circle. She knew that history remembered her as one.  
It hurt, a little, to keep so much secret though, when for the first time in her life someone wanted to know everything.

She hoped for someday. It was the best she could do. 


	7. Black Butterflies and Deja Vu

_You flash like a setting sun_   
_You come around, I come undone_   
_Can’t find the words under my tongue when I look at you_

 

 

Marriage was not what she had expected it to be. Rey had no map for what a healthy marriage looked like, in her defense, but she was certain this was not it. Alone, Ben was soft, sweet and willing to talk to her. During the day he was aloof, almost cold if he was available at all. Something was going on with him internally that he didn’t want her to see, but he was bad at completely shielding his emotions.  
She didn’t pry. After all, this was a marriage of convenience, not love, and she still was hopeful she’d find her way back to the standing stones and her own century. Falling in love with Ben was just another complication that she didn’t need.  
She woke up one morning, a week after being married, with the sense that something wasn’t right. She could just feel it in the air. Ben was gone, up before the sun, quiet as always. She let Sarah dress her slow, both of them drowsy. Sarah’s face was pale.

“Are you feeling alright?” Rey asked. Sarah nodded.

“It’s just one of the children, got a fever is all. Kept us all up last night crying and coughing.”   
Rey was about to write it off. It seemed like sickness was always around the castle, harmless most of the time, until she caught a glimpse of Sarah’s neck. An angry, blotchy rash was splashed across her skin. She froze.

“Take me to the baby,” she instructed, her heart pounding. Sarah nodded and the two made their way down winding stairs to the damp quarters servants slept in. Inside a small group of women were huddled around a small child, three or four by Rey’s estimation.

“My lady no,” a woman began protesting, but Rey waved her away in exasperation. The child was dressed in nothing but a slight shift, his damp, curly brown hair plastered to his forehead. She lifted the shirt and dropped it again. The same blotchy rash covered his body.   
Measles.   
Rey could hear the blood rushing in her ears. Measles were irradiated at home, and she was inoculated against them. How dangerous were they here? What were the complications? She wracked her brain.

“This child needs to be drinking water every hour, a cup at least,” she barked out, causing all the women around her to jump. 

“He’ll barely take a bite,” the same woman who had told her no was telling her. “How can we-“

“He needs to stay hydrated if you want him to survive. Monitor his body temperature. Touch his forehead. If it seems too hot, you need to come get me no matter what. And wash your hands after you touch him!”   
The last thing she needed was a measles outbreak in the castle. Four new babies had been born in the last month. Measles put them all at risk. She needed to warn their mothers. 

“You rest,” she told Sarah. “Drink water, or broth, too.”

As she was leaving she instructed one woman, older and grayer, “Keep an eye on her for me.”

“Aye.”

Rey was attempting to track down the newest mother when, by chance, she found Ben instead. “You look…unwell,” he commented, grabbing her by the arm. “Are you ill?”

“No, I’m looking for Mary and the baby. Have you seen them?”

“I don’t keep track of my servants,” he retorted, seeming irritated. Rey didn’t have time for his moodiness.

“Well you should. A child has the measles and now the entire castle is in danger of an outbreak. Measles are dangerous to babies, they don’t have the immune system to fight back against the virus.”

He stood for a moment, absorbing her words. “You don’t need to be doing this. You’re my wife.”

Rey just stared, mouth hanging open. “What?”

“You could be doing more leisurely activities. Not worrying about the rashes of the common folk.” 

She knew it was his lack of experience with women talking here, and not knowing when he should stop. Her eyes were huge, eyebrows raised into her hair line. “What good is any of that?”

He seemed confused. “It’s what women do?”

“What. Women. DO?” She repeated, seething. “Women are more than just decoration, Ben!”

“Women are delicate.”

She was angry laughing? “DELICATE?”

“I don’t want you messing with healing anymore. Why don’t you-“

She cut him off. “You don’t own me. No man has ever owned any woman. You don’t tell me what to do.” She flounced off, leaving him gaping in the hallway.

She tracked down the babies, and their mothers, with strict instructions to stay inside, and keep their hands washed before touching the babies. She didn’t know how well that would work. Measles incubated before symptoms appeared. Anyone could have it. The entire castle was a ticking time bomb and while it wasn’t as deadly as the plague, it had real consequences. Pneumonia, diarrhea, encephalitis were complications that were deadly here. No one drank water, it seemed like. Whiskey or wine but water almost never. She had convinced most of the mothers to stick with a bone broth, and tried to ignore how unhealthy it was to consume as much whiskey as they did while breastfeeding. They had, after all, drank it all through their pregnancies.   
No one was very concerned about measles, either. It seemed like they had all had it as children, like the chicken pox when Rey was a child. So it wasn’t surprising when, the next morning, five more children were taken down with the measles. She set up a room for them, barring anyone who hadn’t already contracted the disease from entry, and employing a strict hand washing regimen within the room and for anyone exiting. She was determined to keep every baby that survived delivery alive for it’s first birthday.   
Ben was pacing outside the door, making all the women inside nervous. Rey had never had the measles, which she had foolishly told him the evening before when they had engaged in an angry shouting match. He didn’t appreciate being told he didn’t own her, and she refused to take it back. 

“All men own their wives!” He had practically roared, his face red with fury.

“Men don’t own anything, including their overblown emotions!” She shot back, certain her complexion was just as splotchy. Rey had never met a fight she didn’t like, and this was no exception. So much for sensitive Ben. Maybe when they were naked and he was afraid of physically hurting her. 

“Overblown-wha-you-“he huffed in disbelief. “What do you even know about marriage, you’re just-“

“WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!” She screamed back. His parents marriage was distant, from what she had seen. People here did not seem overly affectionate.

“I know that women obey their husbands!”

“I would rather die!” She declared with as much theatrics as she could muster. She was doing a bad job, in this moment, of acting the part of a woman who had always lived in the eighteenth century and subscribed to the ideals of the time. She just couldn’t get behind the idea of Ben telling her to take up needlework when nursing was the only thing she’d ever really loved. 

“These people are not your problem,” he told her, invading her personal space. She didn’t take step back. Let him hunch down to her level. She straightened her back.

“No, they’re yours. You ought to care whether they live or die.”

“We all get the measles. Some don’t live, that’s just how it is.”

“I don’t accept that! There are preventative measures we can take!”

His eyes narrowed, suddenly. “What were the measles like for you.”

“I never had them!” She spat back, too absorbed in beating him than remembering what she was admitting to. 

He stepped back. “I knew it. Your skin…I thought…so unblemished. You absolutely are not allowed back down among those who are sick.”

“You can go fuck yourself,” she replied, flopping on the bed. Ben stormed out of the room and didn’t return.   
Until now, where he was pacing, until she came out, frustrated.

“You are making everyone incredibly nervous,” she told him, still irritated. “So can we just…not?”

“You are going to get sick,” he whispered, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her to a dark corner where no one could see them. “You could die.”  
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to get sick-“ she stopped. His eyes were searching hers, dark and afraid? Was that fear, hiding behind the serious? “Ben,” she implored. “I’m going to be fine.”

“I can’t risk it. You’re my wife…even if you don’t want to be, and I’m responsible for your safety.”

“Well…I’m responsible for these children’s safety. So we’ll have to risk it,” she whispered back, trying to sound reassuring. How could he go from raging monster to worried puppy in less than twenty four hours? And why couldn’t he just tell her why he was really upset? They could have avoided the entire night if he had just told her what was bothering him. 

“Rey-“

“No, Ben. Imagine it were our child. You would want the best, right?”

“Our child?”He breathed, looking impossibly happy. “Rey are you-“

Oh God. “No! No, I was just…asking you to imagine a future where it could be our child who was sick! I’m not…it’s too early to know these…no, I’m not pregnant Ben! I’m just…I’m our only healer. And I’ll be okay. You have to trust me.” 

Ben nodded, his eyes betraying his face. He looked scared and hopeful against a serious face. He turned and she watched him, clad in all black despite the heat, until he vanished around a corner.

Pregnant. It was something she hadn’t given much thought to regarding herself, but watching his face light up when she brought up their own future children had suddenly brought the idea to the front of her mind. She wasn’t on any type of birth control and they weren’t practicing any sort of safe sex, though they also weren’t having sex frequently enough in her opinion, for her to be pregnant.   
It only takes one time, she thought, undressing alone that night. Sarah was still sick and Ben was gone, as always.   
One time for the game of Russian roulette that was her life if she got pregnant in the eighteenth century. Four babies, all alive, with living mothers. She knew the risks. Any small thing could be the difference between life and death.  
She sat, weary, on the bed, knees pulled up to her chin in her shift. Everything felt dangerous here. She didn’t want a baby. She wanted to go home.

Ben found her, later, in the fetal position under blankets, softly crying. She felt him slide in, strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her against his body. “I’m sorry,” he said after a beat. “I don’t own you. I don’t want to fight.”  
She turned, so they were facing. “I’m sorry too.”

“Why are you crying?”

“I was thinking about a baby,” she confessed. In the darkness of their bedroom, safe under blankets, they were free to talk without the walls they kept up in the daytime. In bed she liked Ben Skywalker enough that leaving him was going to hurt her a little. Being his wife didn’t seem so bad.

He wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “Babies will come,” he told her reassuringly, misunderstanding what she was afraid of. “They always do.”

There was no way to tell him that was the problem, so she said nothing and let him think he had reassured her. She just focused on the feeling of him breathing until she dozed off.  
She woke later in the night, suffocating in his body heat. She attempted to disentangle herself so she could go back to sleep but he dragged her back him, half asleep, crushing his mouth against hers.   
Afterwards, naked but still hot from both the heat and the sex, she climbed out of bed to sit in the window sill, his cape draped around her loosely just in case anyone was looking up. Moonlight flooded in, drowning her in the light but she didn’t mind. If that’s how she had to go, that’s how she went. She didn’t hear him pad out of bed until he was behind her, draping something around her neck.

“Scotch pearls,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse. “They were my mothers. Now they belong to my wife.”   
She fingered the glossy white pearls while looking up at him.

“They’re beautiful.” 

“Yes,” he breathed. “Beautiful.

 


	8. Dirty Laundry

_She’s got her secrets, yeah I’ve got mine too_

_I don’t care about what you did_

_Only care about what we do_

 

 

The measles outbreak was as uneventful as Ben had predicted. No one died, although Rey refused to attribute that to anything other than her rigorous hand washing regimen, the closest she could get to vaccinations in this century. It wasn’t a good substitute, but it was all she had. She had also decided to close up shop in the court yard and open her own infirmary in the castle. Ben was not excited about it, when she brought it up, so she took her plans to Leia, who granted her several drafty rooms in a lower, darker part of the castle. It wasn’t ideal, but Rey was determined to make it work. Containing illness was going to make everyone in this castle safer.

Including herself. She had told herself, after the night with the pearls, that she was going to track her cycle better, and stop having sex with Ben when it was dangerous to do so. That plan had lasted all of five minutes, until he walked in and took his shirt off while giving her dark, “need-you” eyes. In the daylight Rey had a backbone of steel. Ben couldn’t take an inch. In the dark…well. She wasn’t sure what it was about him that suddenly made her unable to stay away from him. Of course he was handsome, beautiful even, she thought fiercely. When he touched her she felt like they understood each other in a limited sort of way. She didn’t know how to translate that into better understanding during the day.

She knew something was going on with him, though. His appearance was always impeccable. In a place without hairdryers, he somehow achieved the perfect, blown out hair every morning. She had resorted to a series of buns and braids to deal with the lack of daily showering. Lately, though, his hair was limper, his skin more sallow. She knew he was sleeping because they shared a bed but you wouldn’t have guessed it if you saw him walking around in the sunshine.

She didn’t ask him though. Since their wedding night, and the welts on his back, he had been tight lipped about what he did. New marks had appeared, and she did her best to tend to them, and he silently endured her treatments and the pain, but never answered any of her questions. Snoke was the problem. Snoke walked around like he owned the place, like he was king, and everyone let him. Rey was determined to oust him once Ben was fully in charge, although she didn’t know how. Like a cockroach, Snoke was likely to outlive them all, she sometimes thought.

Still. She was determined to formulate a plan that removed him from their life. She’d sleep better if she knew Ben was safe no matter what century she herself happened to be in. She also worried that Snoke was the reason she vanishes from history. She found Ben skulking down by the river, murmuring to himself. He jumped out of his skin when she said his name.

“What do you want?” He asked, causing her to take a step back, affronted.

“I didn’t know I needed anything from my husband,” she responded, watching a mixture of emotions flash across his face.

“I’m sorry,” he said, surprising her.

Her hackles were up, ready for a fight. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What is it with you and talking?” He asked, more to himself than her.

“Yeah, clear communication among spouses, what a weird and stupid idea,” she shot back sarcastically.

He opened his mouth, ready to hurt her with his words, when Rey suddenly reached out to steady herself against him. It was hot and her dress was tight and her eyes went back for a moment with dizziness.

“Rey?”

 “I just need to sit and breathe, I think,” she said, letting him guide her down onto the soft, silty river bank. The sound of the water rushing past helped as she gulped in air, eyes closed. 

“You should be inside,” he murmured, gathering her into his lap. “You do too much.”

“I’m okay,” she reassured him. “Sarah just laced me up too tight today.” He helped her to her feet, the color back in his face. Whatever was bothering him was long forgotten when they got back into the clammy castle.

The coolness felt good on her face and she wondered if she wasn’t succumbing to whatever new sickness was floating around. Ben helped undress her, rough on the laces that kept everything in.

“These are ridiculous,” he commented, freeing her from the corset. She breathed in deep as she got out of everything else.

“I’m going to lie down for a moment,” she told him, and he tucked her in, his face worried. “You can stay, if you want,” she offered, secretly hoping he would.

He shook his head. “I’ll look in on you later.”

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them it was dark. She still felt exhausted somehow, which was definitely a sign of illness. Someone, Sarah she assumed, had left food and wine and she scarfed it down before flopping back into the bed and drifting back asleep.

She woke up, urgently. Ben was next to her now, naked, one arm tossed over his eyes, the other resting on his stomach. He looked so peaceful and she wanted to revel in it, but she needed to puke and she needed to do it now. She barely made it to the pot in the room, the sound echoing around.

“Rey?” He asked sleepily but she couldn’t stop as her stomach revolted. Her mind was panicking, both from the vomit and the implications of what had happened today.

“I’m fine,” she said when she was finally finished. “Too much wine I think.”

She crawled back into bed, her mind racing. How long had she been married? Eight weeks? Would symptoms show up sooner than that? She didn’t know, she had never worked with pregnancy or babies outside of her brief clinical in the subject.

She said nothing over the next few weeks, patiently waiting for any sign she was just overly paranoid, but there was no ignoring the swelling in her stomach. Rey had always been thin but here she was skin and bones. She had taken off any fat she might have had in the months since she’d arrived which made any amount of weight gain noticeable. Sarah pointed it out.

“My lady,” she breathed one morning, her eyes fixed on Rey’s stomach.

“Say nothing,” Rey said fiercely, covering herself quickly. “You should be happy! Your position as a wife is safe, especially if it’s a son!”

She knew her days of keeping this a secret were numbered, but she didn’t want to tell Ben, who was as preoccupied ever. He seemed conflicted, constantly on the verge of making a massive decision, and she didn’t want to get in the way of whatever was going on. So she went about her life, bringing people into the infirmary and trying to put together a good store of useful herbs, tools, and keeping meticulous notes of what worked and what didn’t. She was still mostly setting broken bones and pulling out teeth to avoid infections, but she was also monitoring the babies that had been born and keep track of their growth.

It was how she ended up with her crew of babies in the court yard. It was breezy and soft, the perfect fall weather to have little babies sitting in dirt. They were eating it, which Rey theorized was probably good for them. She liked watching them. Baby Alexander, curly red hair and brown eyes, was shoving a leaf in his mouth. Little Willy was lying on his back, feet in the hair, his fat fists grasping for his toes. Maggie was propped up in Rey’s lap, bunching up the fabric in her dress and trying to eat it while drooling down her shirt. Jamie was crawling and every so often would get too big for his little cloth diaper and try and wander off, prompting Rey and her gaggle of babies to follow after him and bring him back. Soon there would be five, she thought, watching Willy miss his feet again.

What did she know about being a mother? She loved these babies, but she didn’t want to raise them. Her stomach, sensitive all the time, lurched at the idea. How could she escape if she was pregnant? What if the baby couldn’t go back with her? She calculated herself at eight weeks, right after their wedding night, based on her symptoms and the fact that she hadn’t had a period the month before. In the hectic of everything she had not noticed, and began charting too late. Seven months left, or less depending on her personal circumstances and any number of things that could go wrong. As she watched the babies she realized that she had to leave now, while she still could.

A baby would anchor her in the past forever.


	9. Boxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a trigger for loss so just a heads up

_You can cry away all your complicated memories that keep you up so many nights_

_But darling save your apologies_

_Cause I know you’re scared but I swear you’ll be alright_

 

 

“Come with me.” Han was in Reys infirmary alone, his weathered face serious and sober for once. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, setting her pen down. She had been recording the details of an infection that had spread from a man’s gums through his jaw. There was nothing she could do for him anymore, as she was just a nurse, but she wanted to keep detailed records anyway. Whoever came after her might find it useful.

“A child in one of the villages has developed the cough and they’re asking for our healer.”  
She froze. Three months pregnant now, and now access to vaccines for herself, any kind of serious, communicable disease was a risk to them both. Not pregnant, she would have been out the door in a heart beat.

“Whooping cough?”

“We need to go now. I’m taking you to the boy.”

“Where is Ben?”

“He’s busy.”

She followed Han out, a hand protective over her stomach. She had still not told him, still hiding her growing bump under fabric as the weather grew colder, but time was ticking. His erratic behavior was the only thing keeping him from noticing. She had stopped asking him what was going on, or trying to talk with him at all. Whatever decision he was trying to make had consumed him and she was certain he was not going to be helpful to her.   
Han put her on her horse and they were off. The ride was rough and hard and she was not prepared for this at all. She was going to tell Han he had to stop when she saw the forest, so near she could run to it. The village was pushed up against it. Here it was, her chance. Han was never fully engaged in anything that wasn’t his buddies or a pint, she could easily look at the child, recommend treatment, and escape without anyone noticing.  
She was right. Han helped her down and pointed her towards the houses, and then made his way towards the local tavern. Rey was alone, really alone, for the first time in a year.  
She made her way down the cobblestones, tempted just to bail. This kid wasn’t her problem, she reasoned. She had her own baby to think about now.

A small voice in the back of her head reminded her that the future could protect her from this. This little kid didn’t have that.  
So she knocked, and entered the one room building. A large bed took up much of the room and a small, damp little boy, barely out of infanthood, was coughing violently. His siblings were crammed in a corner, their eyes wide like saucers. 

“Can you help?” His mother whispered. “I’ve already lost two…I can’t lose another.”

“Don’t let any of these children out of here until you’re sure none of them have it,” Rey instructed, watching the boy breathe in, his coughing fit abated for the moment. She felt him. Warm, but not hot. That was good. She felt his chest and felt the smallest fracture. Probably from the violence of the coughing. Painful, she was sure, but not life threatening. She reached into her bag and with the help of his mom wrapped them around his torso.

“He’s got a small fracture, it’ll heal in time. I know it’s nearly impossible but try and keep him in bed for the next four weeks so it heals properly.”

“And the cough?” The mother, grey too young, eyes worried, asked. 

“I’ll be back,” Rey promised.  
Finding honey in the village was a ridiculous, almost impossible task. When she did, from one obviously wealthy gentleman, he refused it to her because she didn’t have any money.

“I’m Rey Skywalker!” She finally exploded. “And if you don’t hand me over a jar of it right now I shall send for Ben to come and get himself, and I will ask him not to be so polite!” 

“He don’t scare me,” the man responded, but he gave her the jar just the same.   
Step one, she thought.  
Step two was more difficult. “This place needs to be a sauna,” she said, closing the windows.

“You need to be boiling water to steam all the time. It’s good for his lungs. And broth, or water, any time you can.   
Don’t let the steam out. It’ll pass, one to two weeks, but in the meantime you can give him spoonful’s of honey to soothe his throat. Don’t give it to any of the children under twelve months.”  
She was talking so fast as she stepped out of the door.

“Can I call on you if it gets worse?” The woman called after her.

“Yes!” Rey responded, knowing that it didn’t matter. She would be gone.   
She didn’t bother to check if Han was still in the tavern or not as she began running, as fast as she could, through the village. People were staring but she didn’t care. It was getting dark, and above her the sky was rumbling. A storm was coming, much like the day she arrived and she couldn’t afford to waste a moment.

She plunged into the forest. 

The problem, she realized, as lightning cracked somewhere in front of her, was that she didn’t know what direction she should be walking in. She could hear a faint buzzing and she was trying to follow it, but really she was aimless, making left and right turns on a whim. No one would be able to find her, which was good, but also bad. If she never found the stones she might die out here. 

Or worse, she though, wishing she had a cloak. She was also weaponless and somewhere around three months pregnant. She was an easy target.  
Somewhere in the village people started screaming. It cut through the buzzing. She picked up her pace, scared. Whatever was going on down there, she did not want to be a part of it.   
The screaming was drowning out the buzzing, but she could still hear it, louder than before. She began to hike uphill, clutching her skirts and keeping her eyes on the sky. At any moment rain was going to pour down on her and this would become too slick to navigate. The sky lit up and she could see them again. 

“Oh my god we’re here,” she said, running now. She was so close, a yard or so away. Nothing was stopping her. She was going to leave, and all this would be behind her. A bad dream she would forget over time.   
The ground leveled out and the sky cracked again, thunder and lightning overwhelming her for a moment. She stepped inside the stone circle, heart pounding, her hand outstretched.   
She never got to touch the stone. A strong arm grabbed her roughly, pulling her back.

“NO!” She screamed, thrashing. She inhaled. She knew that smell. Ben. “LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO!” She screamed at him as he dragged her out of the circle. He hoisted her wordlessly over his shoulder, jostling her stomach again.

“Ben please,” she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. He loosened his grip slightly in what she imagined was supposed to feel loving, but he never stopped walking. Not until they were back at the edge. She could see flames. The village was on fire.   
He set her down and she immediately began running, this time towards the villagers, but he stopped her again. “It’s too late,” he told her. She turned, her face illuminated with horror by the flames and the lightning. 

“Did you do this?”

A man was being marched past them. As he got closer she realized it was Han, his hands in shackles as guards continued to march him forward. “Ben what is going on?”

“Conspiring with the English has only one punishment,” he told her as she sank down to her knees, cradling her stomach.

“Ben,” she whispered.

“Death.”

She rode in front of him on his horse, his arms wrapped as tight as possible around her. He had draped his black cloak around her but they didn’t speak. Her hands didn’t leave her stomach. Is this what had been causing him to act to strangely? He was putting together a treason charge against his father? His drunk, mostly useless father? Even Rey knew this was nonsense, trumped up for political reasons. Leia would never stand for it.   
The castle was guarded heavier than ever. Her stomach tightened painfully when Snoke appeared in the courtyard. Ben dismounted and helped Rey down. 

“Do it now,” Snoke hissed. Han was standing there, his hands bound, his face bewildered.

“Ben,” he said, but his sentence died on his lips when Ben unsheathed his sword. Rey knew everyone in the castle was watching right now. 

“Ben no, Ben you can’t do this,” she stepped in front of him, shielding him from his father.

“He’s your dad. Please.”

“Step aside, girl! Let him finish what he started!”  
Ben gently pushed Rey to the side. Her stomach cramped again, harder, and she fell to her knees. Something was wrong.

“Ben!” She gasped out, watching him lift the steel into the air.  
She felt between her legs as the sword cut down.

Blood.


	10. I did something bad

_They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one_

_They've got their pitchforks and proof_

_Their receipts and reasons_

_They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one_

_So light me up_

 

 

 

She woke up in her own infirmary. Sarah was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands furiously sewing. Rey shifted and the needlework fell to the floor. 

“You’re okay,” Sarah said, grabbing Rey’s hand. “I was so afraid…we saw you fall.”

“We?” Rey croaked.

“Poe and I. We were watching everything from the stables. You fell and no one seemed to notice, and only I knew about the baby, so I told Poe and we-“

“The baby!” She bolted up, shoving her shift up as Sarah looked down at the floor, tears dripping down her face. 

“Ben sent for another healer but uh…it was too late. Poe and I buried…what we could. It wasn’t much. We…we named her Faith. I hope that’s okay.”

“I’d like to be alone now, if you don’t mind.” Sarah nodded and scurried out, leaving Rey alone. She curled onto her side, thinking about how close she had come to escaping. Had it been inevitable? Could a hospital have saved them?   
She didn’t realize how much she had wanted the baby, until that moment when the sob escaped her lips. All her hopes for the future had been tied together with that small life, gone as quickly as it had come.

  
Ben came by, his hair limp and wavy, his eyes glassy. She heard the thud of his boots echoing around the room and she wrapped her arms around herself tighter. He had killed his father. He had dragged her back. She couldn’t face him. 

“Rey,” he said, his voice choked by tears. “Did you know?”

She bolted up, her eyes accusatory. “Yes.”  
He broke down, in that moment, grabbing her around the waist and crying into her stomach. “I’m so sorry,” he said, over and over. She didn’t need to blame him for anything at all, she realized. He had put it all on himself. 

They cried like that for a while, before he scooped her up and carried her across the castle and to their room. Everyone they encountered paused to watch. It was such a strange sight, seeing him so soft with her when he was so ruthless with everyone else. How could he kill his own father?

“You were trying to leave me,” he said once they were safe in their bedroom. “Why?”

“You’re a monster,” she spat back, her hatred re-surging. He stepped forward, his entire height looming over her.

“Yes. I am.”

She paused. She could see he believed it. She turned away from him. “Why?”

“He was conspiring-“

“THAT’S BULLSHIT!” She shouted, her emotions overwhelming her again. “Han couldn’t conspire with his left hand! This is Snoke doing, I know it is!”

“Snoke is wise,” Ben responded.

“Snoke will kill us all. You’ll see.”

She was right faster than she thought she was. Snoke sent his guards for her the next morning after Ben left. “What is this about?”

“Witchcraft,” a guard monotoned, gripping hard on her elbow.   
Witchcraft. Hadn’t she thought, deep down, that this is how it would end? She didn’t fight as they led her to the dungeon. Ben wouldn’t run a sword through her. He had kissed her, moments before, cupping her face gently and promising to return as quickly as he could.   
Snoke could, though. She had told Ben Snoke would kill them all. Leia was missing, Han dead, Rey was next. She wished she knew what he was planning, or paid him any attention while she was here. He was always whispering in Ben’s ear, wasn’t he? Ben always had the marks, the same repeated phrase about how wise Snoke was. Why didn’t she address this when she had the power to?

Because you didn’t want to be with him and you didn’t care what happened to him…a snide voice in the back of her mind told her. She had been entirely focused on herself, this entire time. Ben was just a means to an end. Hadn’t she tried to leave him the first chance she got?

She never would, now. She doubted he could save her. She was in a cell in the bottom of the castle, the dungeon. It was so damp that sitting anywhere was nearly impossible, and so dark she couldn’t see her hand in front of her. She could hear the rats, though, everywhere, and crouched on a small bench, waiting. 

“Rey!” She jolted out of a nap as the door creaked open. Light flooded in and Poe appeared like some kind of angel. “Come on, it’s time to go.”   
She scurried after him, taking the dark cloak he had offered and draping it around herself.

“Where are we going?”

“You’re going back to where ever you came from, and you have to go fast. Snoke has lit your pyre. Ben is gone.”

“Gone?”

“Snoke sent him on some errand in Glasgow or London. Somewhere far. So it’s time for you to go. Don’t come back.”

“What will happen to the rest of you?” She asked as cool night air hit her face. She could smell smoke in the air. She knew it was meant for her. 

“We’ll keep each other safe,” he told her. “Keep yourself safe.”  
He led her to a horse and helped her up before handing her a dagger. “Kill anyone who tries to stop you.”  
He slapped the horse and she was off with a jolt, racing back to the forest. Her hair was flying around her and the sky was opening up again. Rainless; filled with lightning. She knew the way now, plunging the horse back into the forest. She was being followed now so she couldn’t stop even though the horse was straining. They were so close.   
Lightning struck again, at the stones and Rey flung herself off. She could hear them, their voices were loud. Palms out, eyes closed, she touched stone as lightning struck her and she was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short. Getting her back home was essential for the next several chapters


	11. Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst.

_Don't want to think about it_

_I'm fucking tired of getting sick about it_

_So stand back up and be a man about it and fight for something_

_Fight for something._

 

Rey woke up alone in the hospital. For a moment everything seemed so normal that she wasn’t even sure why she was there. We’re on vacation, she thought, looking down at the IV.

The memories flooded back like a dam breaking. She crashed back into the twenty first century wildly, scaring a group of tourists. “WHAT YEAR IS IT?!” She had screamed at a man, clutching his shirt like it was the only thing anchoring her to this world. “TELL ME THE YEAR!”

Twenty nineteen. She’d been gone over a year. She had collapsed on the ground, a mess of emotions that she couldn’t have possibly untangled. She must have blacked out because now she was in a hospital bed. Bright lights flooded the room, a needle was embedded in a vein. It was all so artificial and before she could stop herself she threw up all over the cool tile floor.

She barely listened to the doctors and nurses talk to her. Dehydrated, malnourished, miscarrying. They wanted to perform a D & C. They wanted to do x-rays, to draw blood, to look in her pupils.

“Where were you?” A nurse finally blurted out. “Were you kidnapped?”

She didn’t respond. What could she say? Yes, I was kidnapped, but then we got married and I was happy. In love, even?

The police came, after that.

“Your friend opened a missing person’s case. Didn’t let it go for months,” a detective told her. Finn. For the first time in the two days since she’d been back she felt a tiny glimmer of hope. She wanted to see him. “Where were you?”

She looked up at the detectives but kept her face black, her eyes emotionless. “I don’t remember.”

\--

Finn arrived another day later and checked her out. “I would have gotten here sooner but…” It didn’t matter. They hugged tightly, fiercely. She had missed him. She choked back her tears as he guided her out, holding a plastic bag of the clothes she had come in. A nurse had lent her a pair of too baggy jeans and a scrub top, scrounged together at the last minute. It didn’t matter.

“Let’s get you home.”

\--

He was halfway to Glasgow when one his knights caught up with him.

“Lady Rey-“ the man gasped out. Ben’s ears filled with blood and took off back home as fast as he could. It was too late. No one said anything as he billowed in, his eyes black with rage.

“WHERE IS SHE?!” He roared, his fury blazing around him. Snoke stepped out from the castle gates, a smile playing on his lips.

“Dead, Ben.”

His vision went from black to red. She had been alive when he left. They had been in a shaky place but he had been determined that he was going to fix things between them when he returned. He had control now, they could rule together like he’d always secretly dreamed of. No more dancing around his father and mother for control. He had all the power.

Snoke was still talking. Ben forced himself to concentrate, swallowing thickly. “-witchcraft, so we burned her body to be safe.”

His blood was ice. Burned her body? He spun around to where the pyre was, noticing it for the first time. The ground around it was charred. He didn’t know what to say, to any of it. He was going to kill Snoke. Maybe Snoke recognized the look because his red guards- Praetorian, he called them, were gathered, swords and spears ready.

“My lord, women come and go. What you have now is raw, untamed power, and beyond that something truly special here at Alderaan.” Snoke’s lips curled as he spoke about power. What good was any of it without Rey?

He strode past Snoke and through the castle, blindly, wordlessly. He would pay for his lack of gratitude. Snoke had kept his word, after all. He had promised Ben to remove all the obstacles standing in his way. Ben was naïve to think that Rey would be immune from that. Snoke had wanted her first, hadn’t he? Ben had thwarted his plans, his first small act of disobedience, to protect her from his wrath. He should have known she wouldn’t be safe.

Burned. Ben reached their bedroom just in time to throw up. Had she been scared, he wondered, torturing himself with what her death must have been like. Snoke would have made it painful; Rey must have suffered. Had she screamed out for him?

He lost his temper in his hatred for himself, upending desks and books, throwing a chair, breaking anything, he could reach. None of it was worth anything to him anymore.   

\--

Rey had become an overnight sensation. People were calling her the girl who had been kidnapped by fairies. Support and interest began pouring in overnight, as well as money. People were sending her money and their sympathy and suddenly she had more of it than she knew what to do with. Finn had helped her get re-set up in society again, and they stashed it in a bank account.

It’s how she ended up in San Francisco with him. California was as far away as she could imagine being, and it was reassuring. She was trying to pretend Ben had never existed and she couldn’t do that in Scotland. The hot air and the bright sun were good distractions. Finn worked for a tech start up with his girlfriend, Rose. They had graciously allowed her into their second bedroom and expected very little from her. Rey spent most of her time wandering the streets, exploring and just enjoying wearing a simple bra again.

Sometimes she’d see a man with dark hair and her heart would pick up. Then he’d turn around and she’d see he was no one. Her regrets surrounding him threatened to engulf her. Had Poe told him what had happened? Would Ben even care? He hadn’t even told her goodbye, and sometimes when she was in an especially dark place she imagined he had walked away on purpose or had given Snoke permission to kill her.

She was often scared he might be dead, caught in Snoke’s ambition for something larger. A simple google search would have told her what she wanted to know, but she didn’t look. The possibilities frightened her.

In her memory she was in love with him. Her mind had softened him, made him hazy at the edges, his words soft, his actions pure. As months dragged on she began to question if he had ever done anything wrong. Hadn’t they loved each other the moment they saw each other? She fantasized about him finding her, crying at her feet, about running away to a remote island where no one and nothing could touch them.

Sometimes she thought none of it was real. Maybe it had all been an elaborate hallucination from a girl desperate to have a family.

Still, she thought, walking towards the bay. I only wear sundresses now.

\--

Ben was emotionally cold, except when he was angry, which felt like every minute of his life. He could barely suppress his rage. Snoke, pulling the strings, had weaponized him effectively. Ben knew he was being controlled and couldn’t bring himself to care. His hair was perfectly coifed again, his clothes crisp and black. His mind was an always raging storm. Hurricane Rey lived there, reminding him of his failure.

He threw himself in to militarization and expansion. Alderaan had annexed large swaths of Scottish countryside, following orders. He enjoyed it. Soldiers obeyed orders and didn’t question. Didn’t think. When he was slaughtering villagers he didn’t have to think about anything except blood and metal on flesh.

At night, though, he couldn’t stop the dreams. She came to him constantly, begging him to save her. He saw her tied up as the flames danced on her skin and she screamed his name until she couldn’t scream anything anymore.

If he could have stopped sleeping he would had. Instead he had made a makeshift grave for her, outside the castle walls in the forest where he found her. More often than not he snuck up there, close to the standing stones, and begged her to forgive him. He knew he didn’t deserve it.

He was walking there now, his steps filled with more confidence than he felt. The night was moonless and he felt like Hades himself. Everything Ben touched, everywhere he went, death followed.

Tonight, Poe also followed. Ben realized it when he reached her small stone grave. He turned, sword drawn in a flash.

“You dare follow me-“he started but Poe wasn’t interested.

“Spare me, as if you were the only person here who loved that girl.” Ben realized that Sarah was cowering behind Poe.

“We miss her too,” Sarah whispered, shaking like a leaf.

“Grieve somewhere else,” Ben told them curtly, sheathing his sword and turning his back on them. He came here to be alone. He would not share his time or his memories of her with anyone.

“We…we came because Poe needs to tell you the truth about that night.”

“I don’t need to,” Poe interjected. “Sarah thinks you will stop killing the Scottish if you knew what happened.”

A lump was forming in Ben’s throat. They saw? “I don’t-“

“She’s not dead,” Sarah said quickly, her voice quavering. He couldn’t see her in the dark, just the shape of her body, clutching a shawl around her.

“Where?”

“No idea,” Poe said. “I handed her a knife and a horse and told her never to look back.”

“But…the burning…”

“We came back to the village that night and dressed a woman up in Rey’s clothes. She…she was already dead.” Sarah was crying softly. “Poe took a knife and he…”

“Not even you would have recognized her. Snoke’s guards found her and they lit her on fire as a show of power. It wasn’t Rey.”

For the first time in a long time, Ben felt hope. She was alive, somewhere. He could see her again, if he wanted to. “She’s alive.”

Poe stepped closer to Ben, his curly hair in sharp focus against his dark eyes. “Don’t go looking for her. All you bring is death.”

He turned, taking Sarah with him. She was still crying as Poe dragged her away, leaving Ben feeling both hopeful and helpless all at once. Rey was alive, but Poe was right. Bringing her back was as good as killing her.


	12. Notbroken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love looking historical figures up on wikipedia, and I assume everyone else does too.

_Morning comes and life moves on and when it changed you didn't know where you belonged_

_And I'll still catch you when you fall through a past that steals your sleep_

_And scrawl these words upon your wall, remind you to believe_

_Time won't ever steal my soul_

_We're not broken, so please come home_

 

Open up more, Rose said.

Aren’t you lonely? Finn asked.

She should have known. Rey was too wrapped up in her own thoughts, of the secret life she was living with her dead husband to recognize just what Finn and Rose where up to until it was too late. A blind date.

Except, did blind dates just show up in your apartment and ask you to have dinner with them? She was so uncomfortable with the whole thing, but with Finn and Rose standing there, looking so hopeful, she couldn’t exactly say no.

It wasn’t like she had anything going on anyway. She had spent the weekend before that on a wine train alone, drinking and staring out of a window. So here she was, in an overpriced gastropub, ridiculous cocktail in front of her, trying to decide between fried chicken and just running straight out of the restaurant, never to be seen again.

Why did they think she’d like him, she wondered? Ryan was blonde and blue eyed, soft skinned and clean, freshly cut nails. He was in a suit and apparently worked with them. She couldn’t help but compare him with Ben. Ryan’s hair was cut close to his head, shaved on the sides in that popular way that literally every man she saw had. The top was longer and shoved back in an effort to make it appear thoughtless but she was willing to bet a lot of thought had been put into it. It wasn’t long and wavy like Bens. She hated it.

She hated how clean Ryan was. A man who obviously took a lot of pride in his appearance, she often noticed herself drifting back to his hands.  Regular, man sized hands. Short nails, no dirt.  All she could think about were Bens, huge and dirty from living in a century where handwashing wasn’t as big of a deal as it was now and certainly not manicures. She tried to imagine asking if she could clean them out and wash them for him.

In her imagination, he was adorably baffled, as he often was when she attempted to bridge their cultures, and it made her smile. Ryan, who was talking, was encouraged.

“Rose said you used to be a nurse?” He asked.

She nodded, taking a sip of the drink she ordered. “Oh God,” she sputtered, almost spitting it back into her cup. “This is terrible.”

“Can I bring you something else?” Their waiter had appeared.

“A whisky. Just whisky, nothing else,” she said firmly. No ice, no fancy add ins, not even a ridiculous glass (although she was pretty sure she couldn’t avoid that).

“Sorry,” she said after a long, uncomfortable pause. Her and Ryan had ordered the same thing, hadn’t they? And he was drinking it like a normal human being. Why did she care what he thought? She scolded herself. This wasn’t going anywhere. She wasn’t going to date some California yuppy. What would happen? She would stop wearing her flowy sundresses and hair buns, go back to being a nurse, come home at night and watch whatever was new and popular on Netflix? They’d have a too expensive wedding and have bland children and talk about the weather and stocks, until he inevitably divorced her.

“Thank you for asking,” She said. “I am planning on going back to London soon to pursue my masters in nursing.” She smiled for a full effect. Let him know that this was never going to be anything politely. It wasn’t her fault if Rose, who had no idea that Rey was doing that because Rey had never said anything about it. Probably because she just made it up, she thought.

“A masters! That’s amazing! And I love London, such a vibrant, fun city!”

She almost drowned herself in the whisky that was set in front of her.

 

He kissed her, even though she was be very clear with her body language. “I had fun tonight,” he said, the most improbable thing she had ever heard. Rey had been barely present for the date, had barely said a word. How could he have had fun when he did all the talking?

She wrenched back, her eyes wide.  She stepped through the apartment door without a word, and closed the door in his face.

“Did you like him?” Rose and Finn were waiting. Rey nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Did you think I would?” She asked carefully, not moving from in front of the door.

“Ryan is really nice,” Finn responded. “He’s got a lot of hobbies we thought you might be interested in.”

“He’s bland, like rice,” Rey blurted out. “I’m going to bed.”

“Rey no, come on…” their voices trailed after her but she didn’t listen. Fun hobbies? What was wrong with her? She knew, deep down, they were right. She needed to start living again, outside of her mind.

A soft knock knock came, and Finn entered. “Can we talk?” He asked. She nodded, patting the bed and inviting him to sit.

“Rey what happened to you?”

A tear slipped out before she could catch it and she wiped it away hastily. “I was kidnapped,” she finally said after several silent minutes. “But…I loved him.”

Finn, whose eyes were wide and full of horror, shook his head. “Stockholm syndrome,” he began but she cut him off.

“No. It wasn’t like that.”

“You did what you had to do to survive Rey, I get it. It must have been terrifying. Where is he? How did you get away?”

“Dead,” she muttered, letting the implications hang in the air. She couldn’t tell Finn the truth, she realized. This was a secret she had to take to the grave. He could assume, as she knew he was by the look on his face, that she had murdered Ben and made her escape. That she loved him as a form of survival. After all, she had just miscarried when she returned, wild eyed and malnourished. Everyone already thought that she must have done something unspeakable to escape.

And she had, she realized. She had left Ben behind. She couldn’t forgive herself.

\--

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, he thought darkly from inside his own dungeon. He had been trying to leave, but Snoke was always one step ahead of him. Ben needed to find Rey, to just see her. He had tried to resist, for months pretending like it was fine that she was alive and that was good enough but it wasn’t. Somewhere in the world she existed and it set his entire body on fire to imagine her living her life without him.

At first he thought she might try and come back, and clung to that hope through all the military campaigns, the dark nights, the fury of watching Armitage Hux crawl back to Alderaan and into Snoke’s good graces. They would kill them both together, he imagined. Rule as one.

As the months passed, though, he realized she wasn’t. His mood turned dark again. Why would she want to? He had forced her into his home, his life, his bed. He had been aware of her plans to escape long before he married her. Marrying her anchored them, forced her to stay where he secretly hoped she might love him as he had loved her. Children would follow, and they would be together.

But it wasn’t like that. His actions caused the baby to die and for her to flee, and he knew she wasn’t coming back. He couldn’t live knowing she was alive, though. That she was starting over, in a new life, possibly with a new man.

He had planned to go to London. He had told no one except himself, which was betrayal enough somehow. Hux had gleefully arrested him for treason with the promise of a beheading. That had been a week ago and Ben was bored of it. If they were going to kill him, prolonging it was unnecessary. Time to get it over with, he thought.

If she couldn’t be with her in this life, he would wait for her in the next.

\--

When Finn left, Rey pulled out her computer, the screen lighting up the dark room. She had to know, suddenly. What happened to Ben. She wanted to see him happy, that they had thwarted his original fate of searching for her everywhere, and that he had settled down, murdered Snoke, and had babies with some beautiful Scottish lass.

“Skywalker,” she whispered as if the computer could hear her. She clicked the Wikipedia article. She didn’t need to know all the details. Just a synopsis. Her eyes found his birthdate and death date. She froze. She scrolled down, further, to how he died.

Beheaded. Treason. What? How? She snapped the lid shut, but the date of his execution was burned into her brain. 1758. That was this year, if time was linear and she suspected it was. May twenty second. Five days from now. She shot out of bed, but then forced herself to stop.

What would she do? Go in, guns blazing, and kill everyone? She couldn’t take a gun into Scotland, and her sword training had been mediocre at best and that was a year ago. She’d been back in the present for a year. She sat back down on the edge of her bed, a plan formulating.

If she could get close enough, she could sneak through the same way Poe had snuck her out. Find Ben. She knew the castle well enough. A disguise would stop anyone from recognizing her. After all, she was listed as dead a year earlier on his Wikipedia page. No one except Poe knew she wasn’t.

She opened the computer back up, hoping for more detail. She clicked through several websites before finding a comprehensive journal on the life of the Skywalkers and began skimming it for Ben. It listed him in the dungeon for two weeks prior to his death. That was even better, she thought, closing it again and pulling a bag out of her closet. It would be just like Snoke to keep them in the same cell. Let Ben torture himself for just a little while longer.

All she needed to do was put a sword in Ben’s hands. Ben was the best swordsmen in Great Britain. If he was intact and not badly injured, he would get them out.

She would bring him to the present with her where he could be safe. They could live on her deserted island.  
She grabbed her passport.

Time to go.


	13. Let's Kill Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I usually write in one huge chunk and then break it up into smaller chapters, and upload it all at once. I had had that planned for this set, but ended up deleting a bunch and starting completely over. Reunions are so tricky, right? In my mind it's beautiful and epic but my keyboard types "THEN THEY SMASH FACES MWAHMMWAHMWAH" so there is some disconnect there.
> 
> I am going to TRY SO HARD to get the next two up super fast, but a relative is coming into town this weekend and I might not be able to fix my terrible writing until next week.

_May your feet serve you well and the rest be sent to hell where they always have belonged_

_Cold hearts brew colder songs_

_Fate will play us out with a song of pure romance so stomp your feet and clap your hands_

_Let's kill tonight_

_Show them all you're not the ordinary type_

 

Going back was easier than she thought. A little dark skies, a little lightening, some ear deafening buzzing and here she was. It even smelled like the past. Woodsier, somehow.  It didn’t matter. Her heart was pounding as she brushed the leaves out of her hair. She had found a replica of a dress from this time period in Scotland although the green and blue plaid seemed too bright for sneaking around. In her bag she pulled out the blond wig and carefully placed it over her head. Colored contacts turned brown eyes blue, and several youtube make up tutorials later and Rey’s freckles were erased, her lips bigger, her eye brows bushier. She didn’t look like herself at all.

Which made it easy to slip inside the castle in broad daylight with all the others coming in and out. It was easier than she ever thought it would be and she was giddy with excitement. She had imagined camping out for weeks in the forest and she tried to sneak in, but instead she just strolled on in like she lived there, another faceless servant with unnoticeable work to do.

Except she didn’t walk into the castle, like she should have. She walked straight to the stables, to find Poe. If he were still around he’d know how to find Ben’s sword, a crucial part to her plan. She expected to see his curly hair washing down a horse. Instead she found Sarah, sitting in the hay alone.

“Sarah?” She said with shock. “You’re alive?”

Sarah’s eyes were wide and Rey realized she must have recognized her voice, but not her face. She could see all the emotions Sarah was experiencing flashing across as she tried to work out what her brain had heard.

“Who are you?” Sarah finally asked. “I don’t know you.”

Rey ducked into the stable and shut the door, kneeling down before pulling her colored contacts out. Carefully, she thought. Don’t ruin these. Balancing them gently, she used her other hand to pull the wig off.

“It’s me,” she whispered.

“How did you do that?” Sarah asked, watching Rey slide the contacts back in. “Magic?”

“No not magic,” Rey whispered with exasperation. “Science. I’m looking for Poe, where is he?”

“If they catch you, they’ll kill you,” Sarah told her urgently. “You’re supposed to be dead. You need to leave.”

“I can’t leave,” Rey said and Sarah looked at her with so much pity it made Rey feel defensive.

“You heard about Ben? Rey, he is not the same as he was. He is dangerous, unhinged.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Rey said, well aware of what Ben had been up to since she’d been gone. She had gone back and read everything, and then re-read it for good measure. She knew everything about his time after her and it was disappointing to know that he could slide so easy into murderous despot when he experienced pain. “I need his sword.”

“I know where it is,” Sarah told him. “And I’ll help you if you promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Take me with you.”

 

\--

No one noticed them as they walked through the castle. Sarah, who had been there long before Rey had ever arrived, was as invisible to guards and the elite as the air around them. Rey attracted no attention despite how clean her dress was compared to Sarah’s. She wondered, as they walked, if a disguise was even necessary. Sarah kept a punishing pace, walking just below an all-out sprint to a part of the castle Rey had never visited. Guards ignored them as they pushed open the doors. Sarah shut the doors behind them.

“I clean in here once a month,” Sarah whispered. “It’s Snoke’s bedroom.”

Rey almost choked, but followed Sarah through the dark, almost modern looking room. It was clean and had the kind of sleek, black and white lines that were so popular in ikea’s. Was he from the future too, she wondered?

On a table near his bed sat a leather-bound journal. As Sarah grabbed the sword, Rey swiped it. Today was about getting Ben as far away from Alderaan as she could. She had plans to go to France temporarily at least, but anywhere was safer. But she knew Ben would want to come back. This was his birthright, despite having killed his father in order to obtain it. Any vulnerability that Snoke had would be to their advantage.

“Let’s go,” Sarah said as Rey tied the sword around her body and then covered herself in a flowing green cloak. They walked right out, despite how awkward she looked.

It was so easy it was making her anxious. They began their journey through the castle, sword dangling awkwardly in its hilt, until they got to the passages only servants used. Rey was surprised to learn that a castle could in fact get damper and they plunged underground, towards the dungeons, using the same route she had taken a year before in her escape.

“Meet me in the woods, with horses. If you see Poe, bring him with us.” Sarah nodded and then vanished, leaving Rey alone in the gloom. She traced her steps, reliving that terrifying night, until she got to the cell she had been in. No one guarded here. There was no need with giant metal doors that would have kept the devil himself inside. She turned the key that Sarah had taken from Snokes, along with the sword, and pushed the door open.

\--

This was how he died, he realized. Staring at a vision of his blonde wife holding his sword and hitting him gently in the face. “Get up Ben, we have to go,” she was whispering. He was dying. He reached up to touch her, and then yanked on her hair. Why was it yellow? That didn’t make sense. More proof, he decided, that he was dying. His brain couldn’t remember what she looked like. He tugged.

“Ben!” She hissed again, angry now. Probably because he had pulled her hair off. Wait. What?

“This is a dream,” he said, finally. Dreams were often nonsense. Pulling off her hair, that was par the course for a dream.

“Okay, fine, it’s a dream,” Dream Rey agreed, her hair brown and glossy like he remembered, tumbling past her shoulders. She was pulling something out of her eyes. Spiders, maybe? He couldn’t see. He didn’t want to see. He closed his eyes. “Stay with me until I die.”

“Not today, Ben Skywalker, stand up!” She tugged on him and it hurt. Did dreams hurt? His eyes opened again and she looked angry. He sat up, reaching out and grabbed her arm. She sighed.

“We don’t have time for this, we have to go.”

“Are you real?” His throat was dry. He was in the dungeon, like he’d been for days. He had a lot of hallucinations of her, but never one he could touch. He stood, intending to kiss her or grab her in his arms, but he hadn’t eaten for nearly as long as he’d been here and he was unsteady. His eyes barely focused.

“Shit,” he heard her say as she attempted to steady him. Something heavy was attached to his hip. He felt for the weight and realized it was his sword. He looked back at her, his vision clear again. She tugged on his hand. “I’ll help you. Just walk. If they realize we’re here we’ll both be killed and I didn’t travel through time to die in the dirt.”

None of it made sense but he didn’t argue as they began moving. His body sagged against hers and several times he told her to leave him and go. He could die now, having seen her face again. Rey was to stubborn to think about herself and they continued until night air hit his face. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. This was fine.

He was fine.

\--

He passed out, right outside the castle walls. “Oh for fucks sake,” Rey whispered, looking at his motionless body face down in the dirt. There was no way she could carry him now.

Luck was with her as Poe and Sarah were running towards her. “I got the horses and Poe,” she said breathlessly. “Is he dead?”

Rey felt for a pulse. Weak, but still there. “No, now help me move him.”

It took all three of them to heave him up and then drag him silently towards the woods. It was the longest, tensest moment she had ever experienced. She kept expecting guards to come running after them. Ben came to as they were attempting to shove him onto a horse.

“Okay okay,” he muttered, his head drooping against his chest. Rey climbed up behind him and focused on getting him far away from Alderaan. Her skin was brushed up against his as she took the reins, and following Poe’s lead they galloped off.

Behind her she swore she heard a bell. It was too dark to see behind her, but she realized she had left her wig in Ben’s cell. It gave her a small measure of satisfaction to imagine Snoke picking it up and wondering who it belonged to. Maybe he would realize it was her, since he knew he hadn’t burned her at the stake, but had lied to keep Ben in line.

They rode hard all night until they reached Invernesses harbor. Rey had planned for France but Poe convinced them that one of the Isle’s would be safer, and privately Rey thought it was a better place to mount a defense. They would see anyone coming for miles.

So, they loaded Ben, still useless, onto a small boat and made their way silently to the island. Rey watched Scotland vanish from the horizon along with any notion that she would ever return home, to the present. Hadn’t that always been the plan, though? Wasn’t it why she didn’t tell Finn she was leaving or take anything other than what she could carry with her? She looked down at Ben, his skin tinged yellow and blue from dehydration and malnourishment and tried to find that sense of certainty she had had when she walked through the stones.

She hadn’t actually planned what she’d do after she found him. Isn’t that where stories always end? The hero and heroine find each other and all is well. The end. Except…it was just the beginning. They would be hunted, they needed to somehow mass an army and take down Snoke, a larger than life villain. When she did her research on Ben, she had found it strange that Snoke was never mentioned. It was if he had never existed. Snoke had changed the fate of Alderaan, content to live in the background and puppet those around him.

She could feel his journal burning a hole in her pocket. Whatever it contained, she knew they’d need it if they were ever going to return.

Poe left them ashore to speak with the monks of the island. Rey had volunteered to go, but Poe insisted he do it alone, so she waited with a shivering Sarah and a still unconscious Ben. The weight of everything was starting to bare down on her and she could feel exhaustion starting to set in. What if the monks told them no? Would they keep going? Ben’s sword was limp at his side, she could force them, take the island.

Something about that felt wrong. Holding monks hostage? She shook her head.

It turned out she didn’t have to worry. Poe and several monks came walking down to the beach with the intention of helping Ben up into the monastery.

“We can stay,” Poe said simply, but he had a grin on his face just the same. Rey exhaled in relief. For now they were safe, and ready for whatever happened next.


	14. Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter feels like it ended at a weird place it's because it did. It was originally much longer with a sexy reunion and I decided to cut them in half so I could focus on the smut without taking away from the revelations that happen here, and to address those revelations again in a third chapter.  
> So, for the next chapter expect smut and then for sixteen I'd say expect more angst because why not? 
> 
> Also if anyone has free time and wants to help me edit this, I would appreciate it so much.

_You're dripping like a saturated sunrise, you're spilling like an overflowing sink_

_You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece and now I'm tearing through the pages and the ink..._

 

 

She left Ben with brother Alexander and strict instructions to make sure he kept drinking fluids and broth whenever possible, and if anything changed to wake her.  
Then she was off to her own room. It was bare, a square, open window let in a breeze, a small cot with a thin blanket were shoved up against a wall. A crucifix hung above it. In the wake of the last twenty-four hours it looked like the best accommodations in the fanciest hotel she had ever seen. She just barely had time to change into a sleeping gown before she was gone to the world of dreams.  
A crash jolted her from her sleep. The sun outside was setting, and a man was bellowing. “I KNOW SHE’S HERE!” Her heart began pounding and in her sleep she thought for a moment it was Snoke, come to finish what he started.  
She took a beat, and then realized the deep timber belonged to Ben and not Snoke. Ben was awake. She didn’t bother changing as she took off down the stone hall. She was intercepted by Father Anselm, whom she had met briefly on the beach before he and several others had carried Ben up.  
“You should wait,” he cautioned as something shattered against a wall. Rey was a little embarrassed. They needed the monks to treat them hospitably for the time being and Ben was breaking their things. She cringed.  
“I am so sorry, Father. If I could just speak to him…” She could see the hesitation on Anselms face. Despite the shouting and the breaking, Father Anselm stepped aside and Rey walked in, relieving a terrified brother Alexander from his duty. She shut the door with a soft click, aware that Ben was staring.  
“It wasn’t a dream,” he finally said, blinking rapidly. She shook her head no, voice caught in her throat. Around her was destruction. A bowl, shattered. A small stool splintered into pieces. A blanket thrown on the floor, it’s edge dangerously close to the lit fire place. The bed was the only thing untouched and she wondered if it was bolted to the floor.  
He moved towards her so fast she almost took a step back. His hair was wild and he looked a little dangerous, clothed only in a pair of loose trousers. He dropped to his knees in front of her and buried his face in her shirt.  
“I thought you were dead,” he said after a moment and she realized he was crying. She sank down to join him on the floor.  
“I’m so sorry,” she said, letting all the tears of the last year spill out. “I didn’t have time, I didn’t tell you-“ He crushed her face against his chest, shushing her.  
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he murmured, stroking her hair as she cried. They stayed that way, apologizing and telling the other to stop apologizing while they cried. It was dark by the time she broke out of his grip, determined she would tell him everything.  
He wiped his eyes. “Where were you?”  
“I’m going to tell you everything,” she promised, her anxiety picking up. There was a real risk he might reject her or think her an actual witch. “But I need to know something. Did you know, when you left?”  
His eyes grew wide and black again. He shook his head violently, his head flopping in his face. “I found out half way and when I came back you…”  
“So you didn’t see it?”  
The whole story spilled out, told quickly. How he thought she had been burned at the stake. His anger, his make shift grave. Poe’s story about the dead girl and how Sarah dressed her in Rey’s clothing. Poe cutting off her face and making it seem like animals. She ought to have felt disgusted, but all she felt was gratitude at the lengths Poe and Sarah had gone to conceal where she was. She had felt so alone so often but she realized now she had real friends.  
He was watching her, expectantly waiting to hear where she’d gone. She took a deep breath and said the words she should have told him years ago, even minutes ago. “I love you, Ben.”  
He smiled and despite his gaunt, haunted face he looked as handsome as she’d ever seen. It was like a small knife to the heart and she almost backed out and told a lie. How easy it would be to say she was hiding in Inverness or with a random Scottish clan. She could tell him she went home to England and was tipped off about his predicament.  
But they’d never truly be on even ground with the lie hanging above them. There would always be that secret driving a wedge between them. They were still sitting on the floor, facing each other and she couldn’t bring herself to move. She scooted back until she was flush against the wall and said, “I need you to hear to me, okay? I’m not a witch. I was born in the year nineteen hundred and ninety-seven.”  
He was staring at her, expressionless. She waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. “Ben, did you hear me? I said I was born in nineteen hundred and ninety-seven!”  
He opened his mouth and then closed it again as his mind tried to absorb what she was saying. He opened it again. “How?”  
Everything spilled out. Her military service and meeting Finn. Their planned trip and their visit to Skywalker castle. The portrait she saw of her and him and what she was told about their impending marriage. The stones, and how, when she touched them she vanished from her time and reappeared in his. Being imprisoned and rescued by Poe, and returning home. Moving to California with Finn and trying to forget the life they shared. The disaster date and realizing that she didn’t want to move on. Her decision to come back through the stones.  
Ben didn’t interrupt her once as she talked. When she finished she looked down at her hands. “Do you believe me?”  
“Well…” he said after a moment. “It would be easier if you were just a witch.” She looked up to see that Ben, always so serious, was teasing her. “But I believe you.”  
She nearly started crying again as he scooted closer and scooped her up. She tilted her head, meeting his lips softly for the first time in over a year. His hand cupped her cheek as he kissed her back, gently although she hoped not for long.  
Father Anselm had different ideas for them, however, with two soft knocks. They separated, both looking at each other wistfully.  
“Come in,” she said, casting her eyes back down.  
“I think it’s time for food, and rest,” Father Anselm said quietly. She nodded, climbing to her feet. There was time to be with him in the morning, and every morning after that, for the rest of her life.

\--  
While Ben recovered, Rey explored the island. It was not very big and filled with cattle. Having spent her entire life living in cities, she was wary of the cows and tried her best to avoid them. The problem was they were everywhere and a few of them seemed to recognize her and snuff up whenever she approached. Their noses were soft and the babies were sweet but she kept distance between them all the same.  
She had found two cats that the monks assured her were unnamed. She named the female Ares. Ares was small and a mix of grey, orange, and white, and she was, in Rey’s opinion, a war cat. Ares went to war with the mice, the birds, and sometimes the cattle if they ventured too close, or she wandered into their yard.  
The other, a orange and white male, was Apollo. He was a gangly teenager and liked nothing more than to sneak up on Ares and pounce, even though she beat him up every single time he tried it. Despite being much bigger than Ares, Apollo was no match for Ares and Rey suspected he never would be. He wasn’t much of a planner.  
The monks themselves grew everything they ate, devoting large portions of the day to agriculture and maintaining the abbey. It was such a solitary existence and they seemed to find so much joy in it. Privately, she aspired to find that kind of joy in her day to day life, as well.  
She was plagued with fears, though, that made contentment impossible. Snoke must be searching for Ben. It was only a matter of time before his long reach found them here. She was desperate for a safer hiding place, somewhere too far for Snoke to ever look. She was trying to remember her history. Where in the world was safe, just in general, to live? Could they live in Italy? The colonies? France? Nowhere seemed far enough.  
As Rey wandered the island, Poe was more practical. He began gathering supplies for a home. “It gets cold in Scotland, you know. Do you want to be married under the roof of thirty monks? I wouldn’t.” Rey was too floored to respond, unsure of how to counter. Her sex life was non-existent at the moment but it’s not like they had ever woken up the castle. Ben was more of an under his breathing, swearing softly kind of person, anyway.  
Sarah helped Poe, happy to be free of any responsibility to anyone but herself, and Rey had briefly wondered if maybe something romantic might happen between them. Sarah had laughed. “Oh no. He’s nice…but not my type.” Truthfully, she had seen both Sarah and Poe eyeing the monks occasionally. Despite their weird, bowl shaped haircuts and shapeless brown robes, several of them were exceptionally attractive and young.  
Rey left them to it.


End file.
